CCMA

I walked along the road. It should be called the double Bdul.

There were stores and shops that weren't there before I went out.

They were new, and they were inchis by the time I passed by.

You were new to me too.

No, you were old.

Like the old times, we never got stock somewhere in the conversation.

I like those smart talks about entertains, women and men, food, foreign stories, part-times, unis, and families.

But i felt the distance of thoughts. I hate that.

that i cant speak with tongue to move you.

that a lot.

Talked with mom ab future, ab the jobs now in AIESEC.

I found Anca's profile. I want her to be my impact model role.

It doesn't matter what I study and it doesn't matter if it is connected/so called useful to my final aim. I don't care how hard it may be. Mom said that from what I told her, I did feel it 辛苦.

我無法解釋這兩個字的內涵, 就像我從來無法去解釋中文是怎麼組成的.

She said that's the road we who study these would take.

NO. I do not want to be in my fifties sitting in the sofa watching old movies.

Well that could be nice when i am old. But not from now i presume what i might head for.

I told her this, and I think i hurt her.

She didnt have the chance to choose. She got into this field and she became what she is now.

She got a nice and plain life, which she did not thought of in the first place.

Doomed. I want too much. I don't know my limit.

The other one knows that she can not do this. The other one thinks it was a challenging/interesting/new/learning/meaningful stuff, and so she applied, everything she thought she could. The other one doesnt know her limit. The other one pushes her forward.

She's done this. She gets another another another another new meal.

I think it will keep going on like this.

I miss you at some nights I cannot sleep.

Dun know its because of you so that i cannot, or it's because i cannot so I think of you.

When in Constanta you said you were at home fear of death, dream of death. You called him when walking on those stones and soil.

Things were remembered by images.

I asked if you read.

I think I am the luckiest, for I went to you.

Thank god people still keep in touch.

Hope nothing change next time we meet.

I was in the bus of Bucuresti, and we talked on the phone. You said we would be friends forever.

I once so not believed in FOREVER. They were lies and realities.

But now, theres indeed something called friendship even people cant see/talk with each other.

For the one with a great family, living in Saboana.

沒有什麼不能承受

今天EP sharing, 我聽見了很多故事,

但有些事是怎麼樣也說不出眼淚說不出孤獨的.

說不出那個感動與成長, 無論是自己或你所以為你為別人.

我想自己是能承受那些不足以被抱怨的事情,

遙遠與孤獨, 衝擊與攻擊,

但關於**, 我寧願****.

然後還是為了這個地方縮減了今天的基基,

對你們說, 每一次你犧牲, 每一次你讓自己把底線退後,

其實你是往前進的.

在團隊裡面, 儘管我從來不是這樣的人,

又或者正因為我不是而無法去意識,

沒有什麼工作份量好比較, 你做到的, 都是為了你可以去學.

學會和那些討人厭溝通相處, 學會公事公辦, 學會強迫自己, 學會去哭去生氣.

我受了那些改變與那些底線的退後,

因為那些山路與那些凝視, 我明白了.

究竟, ****在哪裡？

但我想我NC的ppt要來不及了.

不想開始

好吧我只能說我就是不想開始,

做了一堆事情就是不做ppt.

還有一個禮拜, 我想我的潛力應該是無窮的吧.

去了TIC, 在美國學校, 在天母, 在坐285要一個多小時的地方.

我想我被吸引的地方不是religion, faith, nor belief.

而是在唱那些歌的時候,

腳是光的身體是搖擺的 情感是釋出的心情是喜悅的.

Gotten - Slash feat. Adam Levine

我妹妹說很好聽,

我也這樣覺得.

起頭

起頭難!!

我不知道要從哪裡開始做Me&Impact.

好煩喔.

我會緊張至死, 反正站在台上就一直是我的罩門.

何況是有兩百個企盼的臉盯著我.

今天看了The Cutting Edge

123都很喜歡

喜歡水, 喜歡冷, 喜歡冰, 喜歡速度.

I've been practicing all my life landing on my feet.

I want to be a determined person.

complex

I got two cards.

They said that they were surprised it was me who stood up.

Honestly, I am surprised, too.

She said she envied me.

Honestly, I envy them too.

Life is never satisfactory.

I felt something about NC is coming up to me.

But I am trying to avoid it. Why is that?

The mots have been receded behind gradually.

Still I can speak if I recall them.

But they won't come to me by nature.

I don't say poftim when I don't get the word.

Don't know why, it gets empty these days.

I felt no strong emotions. I am back to the one who is blank on the street, looking at everything but seeing nothing.

Now I know what's the cause of those absence.

Shouldn't I make my schedule fuller?

All things to do is push off till weekend.

Am deschis urechile mele, pentru a vedea vocea acele zile.

I should have gone to the intro for sign language today.

DDchen said I should focus on one thing.

Ok, then I should kick off language, AIESEC, and international stuffs.

No, almost everything, in return for my gigi life.

"Bye Bye Disco" by NEW PANTS

高中與中秋

我想自己喜歡他和他是因為我想到高中那些小音樂小書籍

簡單的愛情和簡單的友誼

為了一頓晚餐站在十字路口想著到底要吃三環還是乾麵

他們去了北京和紐約 做了我好希望自己是男人才做得到的事

（屁 難道女人就不能去gay bar）

想念那些簡單與憂愁

羨慕妳的家庭與那片田

妳知道 我想來 他們是那麼美

今早三點我靠在窗台

月亮照著我 好清楚 好圓

我也是這麼清楚的嗎

坐在Cuturesti做learning circle

討論自己國家的習俗節日

我說不出來 說不出任何東西來

究竟我中華民族的樣子還剩多少

以英文我說不出任何中文字眼

反正也不怎麼吃月餅 從來就不怎麼愛月餅

桌上有一盒舊振南和幾個其他

有鳳梨酥 豆沙餅 和其他奇奇怪怪的餅

但都不是記憶中的月餅

豆沙很好吃

但也不是只有中秋節才吃得到豆沙和看得到月圓

所以中秋節還剩下什麼

帶去給基基吃

不知道為什麼 可是我覺得家人不在身邊的人應該吃

但難道我的家人就在嗎？

昨日打完球搭上311要去阿嬤家

很開心 還在新月台的廁所小照了一下鏡子

想了一下要說什麼關於羅馬尼亞的事

上了車看了手機才發現媽媽說阿嬤不在家 不要回去

那個人是沒手沒腳嗎還要兩個七十歲的人煮飯給他吃替他掃地

要不要臉

沒有回家看阿嬤和拜拜

我想這是第一次沒有拜拜的中秋節

所以中秋節到底還剩下什麼

原來台北人都是這樣想的嗎？

It Sucks To Be Me

最後小樂趣的早晨

Did you ever think they are really small pleasures of the morning?

Well is not clouding in coffee cup next pachetu 'entire cigarette, not' the morning boner, not that you woke up next morning a girl who's nicer than when you went to bed, empty bed not waking up the morning after a night of sex and a note of thanks on the nightstand, not shower in the morning, not breakfast, there's no sex in the morning before work / school, and even going to the bathroom in the morning under pressure.

Small pleasures of the morning is fine R.A.T.P. No. 41 C.U.G. - Agromonie. Among those numbers I am happy to wake up thinking about clouding sardine box full of smells that more or less strange. Even before I open my eyes, raising his head from the pillow, you have to think of three cursing us that to ask RE 41. For he is like a "Hello." "Hey! Not.". If you can not find anything new that day, my day does not make sense, does not even make the effort to get me out of bed and I go to the bathroom, because there is no point if they can not be as welcome on the 41.

This fine little pleasure gets it from the "lack" of people who travel by this bus, because courtesy, wry and smiles that you see both the station and in cans with 4 wheels. So after I saved the three greetings, get out of bed, eat, etc.. and get out. Knowing what awaits me, I'm emotionally ready for tomorrow morning with my 41, so emotions to smoke two cigarettes at the station, and pray to be as 41 back to catch him red light as not leave without me.

And get in 41 and I am glad that stay longer squeezed worse than a sardine that is so hot that others are escaping the front drops many a traveler unfortunate that all stand with arms high as if you say "No I want to smell the armpit? Let us know how the dogs do, and so I went looking to do today. "During this time, your nostrils dampf perceive an inviting and I might faint.

41 is a pleasure to go fine, just like eating a chocolate joy, it's like you've 3in1 sips of morning coffee with a cigarette near the university in the nose and an intelligent conversation at the table, about cars, women, Manele, money, football, and that marked the last night on Star game - a quick cigarette lighter 3 times in one minute, 72 minute, or about the fact that Steaua won 3-0 and gave only two sutures on gate topics that are a delight in a dim morning sleep.

But they are like a grain of sugar near a maximum Manea, made by ... 7.40 pm on 41 heard by the Foundation, which in turn is a cube of sugar candy box beside true is represented by a single entry with 41 in the range 7.30-8.00. Only one thing breaks my pleasure to travel with and that are 41 inspectors, who are there by bus anyway, the anywhere, anytime. Acus we going to be iron head only that effective anti-bacterial and sips to coffee and cigarette in round full moon. I do not understand from where a man in 40 years that students have so much nerve to go into such a preserve, and so this morning.

But the most annoying thing is the Union Square station, where all the old men down, lost in the agora / claustrophobia caused by closing doors, and that if you are lucky enough to go door eased help of his 41 offers the highest heat chance to give the head of the border, because you're pushed, pushed, without you it says "do it for me instead", or "excuse me", starting at the same people who ask you to surrender 12.00-13.00 a chair if not, make trouble.

In short miss on 41 May it sometimes, but I catch him luck fratesu 28, yes he's fucking his way, not you smiling girls, interesting people you do not seems so desolate, more empty May nonsense.

Therefore I want to thank 41 for each day, Monday to Friday brings a smile to my face, allergy, a feeling of nausea, nerves, heat and humidity, and time to get to school, excited and full of mirth.

I want to catch 41.

翻譯

我不懂.

看你寫的東西, 那些不是具體的字眼,

那些文字被粗爛的翻譯轉成我理解卻不能解讀的句子.

他們分手了, 我仍在一塊.

Ei s-au despartit, eu sunt inca in one piece.

繽紛秩序

作者 vivcarpediem (vivcarpediem) 看板 BlueDot

標題 [紅點] 繽紛秩序

時間 Sun Sep 19 16:33:59 2010

───────────────────────────────────────

紅點是眉心中央他們輕輕為你點上的記號。以及手上羈絆著顏色卻不斷褪去的紅線（你擔

心它總有一天要斷的）。

「這秩序繽紛的世界，就留給你整理。」

　　　　　　　　　　　　　－－詩人羅葉

那個微風吹過的夜晚石頭椅上或躺或坐你們這麼說著。

每趟旅程都讓我們決定接下來要成為怎樣的人。

今年夏天我學會了更認真的看待每一件事，認真做每一件事，認真生活，認真體會生活。

從世界上好多不同的人眼中看見自己，行了千里也看見離身邊最近最值得珍惜的東西。

There is something special within that brougt us there.

We went to see the world.

那埋時空膠囊在雨中落淚的瞬間，與Aditay Sun最後一次輕聲在停電的黑暗中唱著

together song，孩子們分工合作築起的那座花園，那一雙雙深邃盯著你善良微笑的眼神

……你因而相信世界上有令人確信安心的事物，

是我被救了。

Carry the bright smiles, kind heart and courage on in your life.

Namaste, and thank you.

Internship- Experience in Grădiniţă Penilla

I wrote this on the feedback day between kindergarten managers and IK team. It's my life only in Penilla, not entirely recorded but generally.

Post it on, for people going to International Kindergarten in next year in Romania, Iasi.

_______________________________________________________________

Dear kindergarten managers and AIESECers from International Kindergarten project,

I am sitting at the table in a friend’s apartment and at the meanwhile you are in Cuturesti, talking about the feed back of this project. I apologize that I did not accept the invitation for my personal reason. Still, I am more than willing to share with you my experience here, in Gradinita Penilla.

I still remember the first day I went to Penilla. It was sunny. Tina and I struggled all the way to the top of the hill. I saw yellow Penilla shining under the sun and I fell immediately in love with it. The director gave me a guide in the mazed-like Penilla. We saw the kids and how they worked. The next day I stayed beside Stefania’s classroom, watching Otilia teaching kids about the colors of balls. I was so impressed by their interaction; I was so amazed by kids’ cleverness. I started to imagine and plan my lessons.

I discussed with Otilia about the content and the theme for the following days and weeks. We talked almost every day after the lunch in the first two weeks. She showed me what she’d done with the kids in her term in Penilla. We saw the paper works, the drawings, the DVDs, the photos and all that. They were so nice. But, the thing that really moved me was that she kept these histories all the time. I saw Giovani on the wall of the classroom, and I thought,”hmm, that must be her favorite.” We shared our backgrounds and things that happened.

In Penilla, there are four groups, the big ones, middle, little, and the handicapped ones. In summer, they made them three, big, small, and handicapped. Along my internship, especially before the seven-year-old kids left for holiday, we did a lot of things pretty intensely. We did something about the food pyramid, we got to know the name of different food, we made milk tea and cooked salad. We had a lot of fun. After the seven-year-old kids and some teachers left for holiday, we had some chaotic time. But still we did something like knowing the name of different musical instrument, hearing different sounds and got to know the musical types of different world areas. Also there were handcraft weeks which we did origami, cultural weeks which we invited trainees from Puerto Rico, Russia, and Hong Kong, Moreover, we went to see animals and do some costume role play in a tiny zoo near banlieu. We also made some birthday parties to celebrate their new coming age. After the meeting with Alexandra from the House of Fairies, I started to group kids into different learning types, like some need to hear things, some see things, and some do things. That really helped me a lot on account of the combination of various teaching methods and materials. There was a time, Alexandra said that Jacquline(a trainee from Brazil) was always with kids and now the kids turned more to Jacquline than to her. Deep in my heart, I promised myself that I am gonna be like that.

It seemed like we did a lot of things. Nonetheless, most of the time, we were in the playground. There were two rather big playgrounds. We can have a running race, play basketball, ride bicycles, do jump rope, climb trees to get the apple and some more. Honestly speaking, that was one of my flaws, I did not state how much time I needed for the lesson. So sometimes we just let the time go and spent whole morning in the playground. I have to admit that I love the time in the playground and ball room (Penilla has a fantastic ball room for kids to play inside.) more than the time for teaching.

As the time went by, I stayed longer and longer. But I no longer gave them formal lessons., for the fact that all ages mixed together and we had no enough teachers. However, I did more when doing nothing. Children taught me Romanian and their routines. I played intellectual games with bigger kids; I fed the kids that yet grew up; I changed their pajamas , gave them apă. I try to communicate with Alexandra and Razvan; i learned to say NO and WHY to kids. I believe that there were always more to learn in life and nature than in the classroom. There were times I stayed till all the kids went home with parents and school bus. I met the parents in the morning and afternoon. I got to know who was whose kid and got them to their parents when time came. Then, I found that the promise was fulfilled, by my learning of Romanian and their effort to communicate with me. Kids here could speak so well in English. Still, when they tried really really hard to speak easier Romanian and use their facial and body language, I was so moved.

We encountered some children new to kindergarten, like Rares, Cristi, and Adelina. Most of the time they cried like hell. But the situation got better few weeks later. When we saw Cristi handing his hand and moving to get something, trying to speak, it was so cute. At the last day, I was even crying when I held Rares to sleep.

For me, I did not consider myself as an English teacher. I was a figure of culture, for them to study and to observe; I was a girl with different looking, for them to play with. One pity was that I did not manage to present my country by power point as I did in Paradisul de Copiii.

Teachers, director, Mr. Nicu (sorry, all the time I couldn’t figure out your position.) and his family, and cooker, and Veronica all treated me extremely nice. I appreciate you so much for that and the tasty food, coffee, chalks, tapes, mops, papers as well as my holidays.

Once I asked Otilia, “Do you think they will remember you when they grew up?” She was so sure about that. And I so much hope these young faces always have me in their mind. I told this to Anca, the president of this project, and she said that it didn’t matter they remember you or not. What matters is that you put something in them, and they take that all the way to their grownup time.

All the time, I was thinking, what if I was raised by this kindergarten, what if I was one of them, what if I met the same kind of teacher when I was little. Everything would be different if so, for there were social development, knowledge instruction, moral teaching, laugh, and love.

Sincerely yours,

Jessy, Lin Yi Ting from Taiwan

日子

我想自己應該要死心.

在黑暗中誰也看不清我的臉和我.

橘色的點在強風中作響與燃燒.

一天一天一天還有多少天.

用生命去充滿日子的日子還有多少天.

用日子去充滿生命的生命是沒有溫度的.

我想自己應該要死心, 因為就要是適合去公園散步的顏色了.

儘管是如此.

女兒命

關於命運, 預測它是歧視它.

At that moment, I turned back to the first day in the blue home group.

I was that kind of shy.

In the MC office, people have the connection with me, but I did not know them.

And I did not talk, trying to keep floating and breathing.

I can write everything you want me to say about everything, but I just cannot stand up and talk to people I barely know.

Back to that day I was absent in Cuturesti.

I mind what people say.

Even it seems so much like an excuse or even it is an excuse, no one says that a leader is the one be in front of fellows.

CC and 314 taught me to share, and I love to. But isn't that everybody can have their own way to give, to pot out, and to do anything?

I really hate to be pushed up on the stage.

It took me a lot of self-talk to do the training on the final day.

It took me a lot of practice to be under that spot.

I am not afraid. Yet, I want that it is me who want me to be there so that I can truly be there.

Instead of my LCP.

I love to talk and call back those people and matters.

But please don't get me there for you.

Lose today:

How come I did not make sure there wasn't any crash?

I am so sorry and so angry about myself.

But still, it's again that I do mind what people say.

stretch

If you think that add something to your life,

then you can give whatever you want to me.

Last day of training, I felt so successful.

I pushed myself forward. Gigis have this potential.

We dive in.

Today the girl sat in front of me talking on the phone in Korean.

I knew nothing and I smiled, for I thought of you.

夢境（一）

作者 shadow6064 (EK) 看板 ekishere

標題 [　　] 夢境（一）

時間 Sun Aug 1 12:22:16 2010

這座島甫脫離上個世紀，卻還不時用眷戀的眼神回望過去那一百年，試著要為某一年、某一時代分門別目，貼上標籤、收納進鏽灰的歷史鐵櫃裡。人們說：在武力鎮壓後隨之而來的是同化政策時期（高唱那什麼連歷史老師也好像說不太清的內部延長主義）和要把島民改造成日本同胞的皇民化時期（想像四百多萬島民垂淚感動地搖著日章旗高喊天皇萬歲天皇萬歲），國共遷臺（大江大海驚濤駭浪淘盡千古風流人物的１９４９喲）以後美蘇兩大集團的冷戰和島上瀰漫肅清之氣的白色恐怖時期（奉公守法如我父母者竟一點臨場感也無），然後蔣經國宣布解嚴島民逐漸重獲言論集會自由云云……；同樣人們也說那是不同文派的發軔或拓展時期──類似新文學、反共懷鄉文學、現代主義、鄉土、女性、同志、母語……；或者說說經濟史，加工出口經濟起飛工業升級產業革命……

對於全新的世紀，人們會習慣用不斷刷新的高溫記錄來定義。頭十年還只是潛伏期，再十年熱浪潮湧，再過不久整座島就會陷入火海焰獄之中島民們成年在焦燙的大地上抱頭翻滾，都市裡的動物還抱著一絲希望躲進冷氣房裡閉關，連冷氣也不夠涼就幽閉在冰箱冷藏室裡（那段時光被下個世紀碩果僅存的人類後裔定義為冰箱的黃金時期），直到世界能源耗盡人們被迫打開冰箱門一個個被活活燙死（也有些希望留有完屍堅持要待在冰箱裡悶死的），只有少數基因突變而能和耐高溫細菌共存的生物活了下來。

　　──《二十一世紀生物演化史》，火男Ａ／火女Ｃ著，２１３３年

（這個世界在崩解）

２０１０年，一部《全面啟動》就把所有人打進萬劫不復的夢境，開始猜想身邊的人是誰的潛意識投射，自己身處在誰的夢裡（前些年的南亞大海嘯海地大地震歐洲熱浪北美暴風雪是哪個招搖的傢伙的創構？！），猜忌的目光在一個個陌生人身上游移（揪出造夢人！），唯一自保的方式就是攜帶只有自己才認得出的圖騰，專屬自己、永遠不能和人敞開心扉談的秘密。謠言風生，密謀四起。這是二十一世紀的人類群像，全體人民陷入混沌狀態，實在夢境和真實早已無所分別。

李奧納多對艾倫佩姬說（或者該說是佛洛依德還是哪位夢境大師曾作出如此的歸納），人們作夢總是想不起夢的開端究竟是什麼，好像古希臘悲劇的創作原則in medias res，事物總是從中途開始。這印證了昨日才上報的那則新聞。一位精神狀況良好的男子，在向晚時分突然衝進里長伯辦公室，直呼有人把芝山岩整個換掉了。

　　──你說什麼被換掉了？（他上下打量著眼前這個人，最後決定這人不值得信任，因為他的領口有牙膏漬，那是偽造者偽造失敗的證明，他如是相信）

　　──芝山岩啊！我記憶中的芝山岩不是這樣的！沒有那個木製走道，沒有圍欄，人人都可以走到那些巨大看似平滑的豆腐石上，尋找那據說曾經是海中生物的沉積化石，還有那塊象鼻石，從前是走得下去的啊，可以用仰視的姿態觀摩、嘲笑那其實一點也不像象鼻的大石頭，沒有那些擋在路中央帶有日式風味的門扉，沒有那隻叼著攀木蜥蜴在樹叢中竄奔的白底黑斑野貓……

　　──先生，要不是你記錯就是你發瘋了，芝山岩就是芝山岩，它一直矗立在那裏，是最不可能被調置的景觀。

　　──可是、可是……（身後突然出現了似乎無所不在的記者和攝影機，在這個充斥猜疑、秘密的城市，記者在全城遍布的密度達到了前所未有之高，以便在最短的時間內提供最新的即時新聞）

後來專家們實際走訪芝山岩，發現這些新的建設，包括步道翻修、擴建、封阻等，早就行之有年非新鮮事，根本只是那男子太久沒有到芝山岩，所以不知道有這些新建設而已。

但是怎麼會發生這種事呢？怎麼這兩種芝山岩之間就這樣硬生生斷裂，劃割出一道大裂縫，而中間一點銜接的記憶都沒有？前一秒它退場時還是記憶中的模樣，等到再登台時聚光燈底下的芝山岩卻已是一莫名的存在，沒有任何事前鋪陳，硬生生聳立在夢的中央──這難道不是夢境遭人移植、置換嗎，就像有人惡意把一段ＤＮＡ從染色體中抽離，再橫插入另一段ＤＮＡ，讓那個生物看似些微改變但實際上可能已產生鉅變？從直髮變自然捲、從Ｂ罩杯變Ｄ──從一個較原始的、提供孩童遊憩、學習的場所，變成一個需要圍欄保護自然生態以及無謂的日式地景來增進美感的人工製品？

（於是有人主張撞擊，藉由墜落的震撼快感從夢中醒來，不要再受到盜夢人的脅迫）

　　你可以想像我們熟悉的世界正在崩解，記憶的殘骸流入時間的洪荒、深沉的混沌。

「不能抗拒」的幽靈 ◎ 陳昭如

作者: pat0715 (pat) 看板: lever

標題: [性別] 「不能抗拒」的幽靈 ◎ 陳昭如

時間: Tue Sep 14 11:18:56 2010

「不能抗拒」的幽靈 / 陳昭如（國立台灣大學法律學系副教授）

有一個幽靈仍徘徊在司法體系中，一個「不能抗拒」的幽靈，一個要求女人性服從的幽靈。近日引發爭議的女童性侵判決案，正說明了這幽靈的陰魂不散。1999年修正前舊刑法規定，必須要使用強暴脅迫的手段到達「不能抗拒」的程度才能構成強姦罪。這種立法表達了一種「典型強暴」的迷思，好像只有陌生人拿刀架在脖子上，被害人抵死不從，才構成強暴。在這樣的法律規範與父權司法體制的操作下，性侵害的重點是物理性的強制與抗拒，被害人等同於被科以誓死抵抗的義務，其他不符合這種典型強暴的女性所受到的性侵害，就被當成是你情我願的合意性交。

刑法學界一般將性侵害認為是「強制」與「性交」的結合犯，而典型強暴則必須包括典型強制的要素：以強暴脅迫的方法使人行無義務之事。然而這種看法輕忽了性侵害的本質。在性別不平等的社會中，性的強制常常不是訴諸物理性的強暴脅迫，而是利用實質上的地位不平等，透過男主動與女被動的性意識型態微妙操作來進行。特別是在占性侵害多數的熟識強暴案件中，被害人往往沒有積極的抗拒行為，但是沒有抵抗並不等於沒有違反被害人的性意願，沒說「不」並不等於「要」。因此1999年刑法修正從「不能抗拒」到「違反意願」的轉向，就是要試圖扭轉這種性別不平等的狀態，正視性侵害中「強制」的本質乃是侵害性自主決定權。

雖然修法刪除了「不能抗拒」的文字，法官在認定是否違反當事人的意願時，卻仍然著重於當事人是否有機會抵抗而不抵抗、有抵抗為何不夠盡力，因此使得「不能抗拒」成為一種「幽靈構成要件」。在性侵三歲女童案中，最高法院質疑女童在被插入之後哭喊疼痛不要的證詞與驗傷單，並不足以證明這究竟是「違反被害人意願」，或者是「利用未滿十四歲之幼女懵懂不解人事，可以聽任擺佈之機會予以性交」；性侵六歲女童案中，高雄地院法官則認為「證人證述甲女並無抵抗被告的動作，…若甲女有意掙脫被告，被告應難以在未脫去甲女運動褲情形下，順利將右手伸入甲女褲內而為犯行，可見被告辯稱未以強暴、脅迫或其他違反甲女意願之方法為本案性交，尚非無據」。這種將「未為抗拒」、「聽任擺佈」視為「沒有違反意願」的見解，完全忽視了性侵害乃是在權力關係不對等的條件下，對被害人性自主意願的忽略、積極或消極的壓制，不一定是

強暴脅迫式的強制，當事人也不一定（甚至很難）積極反抗。這並非性侵女童案的特例，而是強制性交判決中常見的狀況。

日前司法院將女童性侵案所引發的爭議界定為「法條適用問題」，並且主張透過修法明訂年齡限制來解決問題。而最高法院剛發佈的刑事庭決議統一法律見解，則將七歲以上未滿十四歲的非合意性交、對未滿七歲兒童的性交，全部認定為加重強制性交罪。司法院與最高法院兩者的思考模式完全弄錯了方向。修法所必須解決的，主要不是年齡問題，而是應該根本地釐清性侵害的強制概念。難道七歲以上的孩子、甚至成年人，不會發生沒有抗拒行為，但仍違反其意願的強迫性交嗎？法院之所以會認為沒有抵抗、順從擺佈不是一種強制，並且認為此乃法條適用問題，除了其法律解釋與事實評價上的性別盲目之外，還涉及現行性自主罪章的規範缺失。由於1999年修法沒有完全清除「典型強制」的遺緒，繼續沿用「強制」、「乘機」、「利用權勢」為性交的不當分類，因此使得意願的認定產生了混淆的可能性，使得沒有說不、沒有積極地抗拒、被動地服從，都很容易被認為不構成「意願的違反」。為了杜絕強制概念的爭議，也為了真正保障平等的性自主權，根本之道是應該全面翻修妨害性自主罪章，取消「強制」、「乘機」、「利用權勢」的不當分類，徹底驅除典型強制的鬼魅，必須存在有積極的同意，才能構成合意：有說「要」才是「要」，沒說不就是不，有說不當然更是不。將「被害者」表達反對、實施抗拒行為的義務，改變為「加害者」確認「性」是在合意之下進行的義務，並且將「性」視為一種「過程」、而非一個插入或準插入的行為。如此，性自主的實踐才會是建立在雙方積極協商的合意之上，而非一方的強制與她方的臣服。

forward

I get rid of nothing and I don't want to get ride of anything.

I just drank from the tap water.

I said da to my professeur de francais.

And the music is going on and on; the smell is going on and on.

A friend from Olympic found me.

How nice.

Life is like this.

I stopped AIESEC last week and this week after five days bone-hurting and energy-draining volleyball training, I am gonna go to MC NC faci meeting and PC mentor training.

My first faci and mentor exp.

How exciting.

Hope this time I won't mess up gigi and @.

昨天余育蘋說到體能 技術 與心理.

體能的往前讓我得以去顧及技術, 每個人往前的方向不一樣,

從這裡我感到力量, 其實並不很在乎其他.

有了力量, 就有機會去改變更多.

朋友的朋友做了一個關於朋友的心理測驗,

說在星期二他會遇到和他結婚的女孩.

朋友的朋友問他是否做了什麼計畫在那天.

那天是****.

connection

I hate that.

We don't talk.

But we are so close on that goddamn line.

That is really creepy and disappointing.

someone, somewhere, something

I put everything that was in the past forward and so they are with me now.

I find Kiss FM, cigarette, dictionary, habbits, scenes, spots, and the scar.

Dhruv once told me about this post-conference syndrome.

I guess this time what happens to me is post-internship syndrome.

I write all the time and cannot stop.

There were times I waited for people or person, and so I was always writing.

Bad and good things I pick up at the same time, though mostly bad.

Couldn't help it.

I cannot stand the sun and people's pace.

Or I could, but I don't want to.

I wish to see someone and something, like always.

Waking up in the morning turns to be so hard, cuz now there's a limitation of time.

I see time everywhere, on my cell, on the piano, the wall, the corner of TV set, and on people.

So I know I am now in Taipei.

I remember there used to be something around me when I woke up, for example, arms.

I cannot sleep without that smell, mixed with cigarette and berry.

I cooked mamaliga and almost cried when I ate it, though the worst thing to stop a meal is tear.

Today we got to choose an italian name. That was so stupid and so stirred me.

I thought of every time I have to explain to people why we have an english nickname.

Anyway, there were so many names after my friends.

Adela, Teodora, Rosanna(I prefer Roxana and so that's my italian name now, haha), Stefania, and others.

One day I am gonna leave these behind.

One day my head wouldn't be stuck with pounds of romanian and your mouths speaking it.

One day...

期待什麼

真的, 我完全不知道自己在期待個什麼.

釘上去的明信片掉了一地, 我撿不起來.

昨天比今天好, 昨天的昨天又比昨天好.

我恢復那個居人的表情, 冷淡的習慣同一條路的擁擠難行.

好奇略帶緊張的心消失了, 探索的心消失了.

因為太習慣以至於不習慣.

我討厭耳邊聽到的那些語言與眼中收進的面孔, 但倒也不是真正討厭,

只是太過熟悉的, 多想心懸在那裡, 有害怕

和慾望.

今天北歐平等主義我看著你的簡訊想著那些日子.

笑了一下然後哭了一下.

喜歡德文和義文.

因為阿毛的一句話決定明天不去開會.

我想念基基和＠, 儘管大半時候我想remain completely anonymous.

acasă

12/09/10 01:22

acasă

a la maison

at home

在家

底厝

I trembled and smiled like idiot when I saw mama at the airport, thought it was more complicated than that.

I talked like being shut in an isolated island for a longtemp; though it was more irrobinsoned than that.

I was angry about taxi's slow, unhelpful service and high price, though it was more of a miss than that.

I felt our apartment was so unbelievably large, bright, and five-stared, though i've lived in it for eight years.

I felt so aliced and aliened about the elevator, my room, the kitchen, and the bathroom, though it's been only about two months' left.

I was embarrassed when looking for taiwan dollar to pay the pearl milk tea, though it was more of two pieces of memory than that.

I was talking to mama when eating dumplings, drinking milk tea, watching news about election, though at the same time tata, sis, bro were at home; though all of us were at home, there weren't a family.

I watched a movie(Nicolas Cage was in; I thought of watching The Apprentice of Socerors with you), unpacked the baggage(I thought of last summer when I came back from London.), took the bath(There were some makeup and new washing stuffs from my sis; she is a grownup now. I thought of the bath in Tatărasi and Independenți.)

The word FAMILY keeps bumping out of my forehead. I try to explain that it's because I miss Ade so much, but often fail with the admission that I've normalized our situation for so long.

Your dream came to me: you want to have a nice family and be a good father. Nineteen months ago, I kind of condescended your dream. It would have been disappointing to know that the only thing you were good at your life was to be a nice tata or mama.

Your words came to me: It was normalized that a family doesn't have to eat together. It has never been normal. Ok, I was really used to it and felt nothing more about that; now I am not so sure.

Am home, at least.

Memory capacity

10/09/10 17:51

How much can an old/young brain remember? NOT memorize; otherwise, none, for I tried so goddamn hard to memorize the image of the circle of Bdul Carol/Independenți while standing at the end of independenți.

Simply the action of remember takes

(One mention: I went to some really nice bookstores in Bucuresti. In fact one of the nicest is Caturesti and Verona behind it. I love it, though in a way it seemed to be èlite.)

effort to remember. Or, it is built in the nature?

Remember the trivial little tiny loves and happiness in a certain moment. We might forget the exact causes or event; but the smell, the hearing is remained.

Remember the broken heart and the drop of tears, which is the biggest ruin at the masă.

We

(I might never know your hobbies and your good abilities to do certain things, besides***.)

(Exactly how much fusion can be in a mind/brain at one second? Mom will say that is due to the easy distraction. Yea I suppose.)

might forget how pieceful or how scatter the heart was; we might forget what river or brook the tear caused; we might forget how nobody can bring back the scattering.

Nonetheless, the kind of demon appeared in Harry Potter, which I forgot the name, will come back and haunt you from time to time.

(I want to poo, really.)

What meant to say is that I remember the incidents/emotions of largeness and smallness.

(don;t know if these words exist.)

But perhaps one day my capacity will full and start to winkle me to alarm me to erase something. I don;t have a mac to store the memories. So some of them will be erased/ deleted forever and ever, for good.

When I get old, like in THE NOTEBOOK, will somebody read the story of my life to me?

And then I could have the cruelest happiness to say, "Oh, what a good story, who is that girl in?"

I start to recognize the face of romanians, I can tell, really.

And there won't be any one like you, sexy, colorful, smart, cute, and you.

Aeroport

10/09/10 17:51

Limba Română reduced; frequency of Dutch and français increase, and some British English is heard.

I fell asleep when Tarom in the sky of Bucuresti. I was sad, but only for two hours and twenty-five minutes. My chest is pressed and twisted, but only for the period that I fell asleep again. In the dream, there were limba română, fro real.

I just talked to mama, saying I am going home now. She asked me what will be the terminal gate when I arrive in Taouang. I said, "Nu stiu." But I wasn't aware of that till mama asked again.

How I hope all these can remain forever.

I just filled the first question of the IK feedback form. I checked the file of my application to TNs in Romania in April. I couldn't breathe normally for a moment.

There were (ONCE- Take the sinking boat and pull it home..we still got some time..)

TN-In-RO-CJ-2010-1392	gROw National Project	ROMANIA	AIESEC CLUJ-NAPOCA
TN-In-RO-CJ-2010-1394
TN-In-RO-CJ-2010-1396
TN-In-RO-CJ-2010-1398
TN-In-RO-PT-2010-1257	AIESEC Pitesti	ROMANIA	AIESEC PITESTI
TN-In-RO-PT-2010-1259
TN-In-RO-PT-2010-1261
TN-In-RO-PT-2010-1263
TN-In-RO-BU-2010-1480	gROw National Project	ROMANIA	AIESEC BUCURESTI
TN-In-RO-BU-2010-1482
TN-In-RO-BU-2010-1484
TN-In-RO-BU-2010-1486
TN-In-RO-CV-2010-1282	Colegiul National "Fratii Buzesti"	AIESEC CRAIOVA	ROMANIA	2010-03-30
TN-In-RO-SI-2010-1259	gROw National Project	AIESEC SIBIU	ROMANIA	2010-03-31
TN-In-RO-SI-2010-1261
TN-In-RO-SI-2010-1263
TN-In-RO-SI-2010-1257
TN-In-RO-OR-2010-1265	Grow	AIESEC ORADEA	ROMANIA	2010-03-31
TN-In-RO-OR-2010-1263	Grow	AIESEC ORADEA	ROMANIA	2010-03-31

I thought of Daniela, Andrei, ITTT, Giogi, the guy slept in Teo and mada's room, and Pasco(or Pasca i don't remember her name.)

What if, I was chosen by any of these?

What state of mind will I have by now? What different stories will I tell or write by now?

How spontaneous the fate/fortune can be.

Don't understand why there's no project in Iasi. It supposed to have IK and gROw(not sure, don't remember anyway.)

It is raining. I couldn't get access to the internet; no in fact I could, but I don't want to. Temporarily complete anonymous is actually doing me good, like the time in Bucuresti.

But the greatest stimulus to internet would be to check the weather of Iasi. How come I am so obsessed with the weather everywhere?

Ok back to fb form. I miss Mada.