acasă

12/09/10 01:22

acasă

a la maison

at home

在家

底厝

I trembled and smiled like idiot when I saw mama at the airport, thought it was more complicated than that.

I talked like being shut in an isolated island for a longtemp; though it was more irrobinsoned than that.

I was angry about taxi's slow, unhelpful service and high price, though it was more of a miss than that.

I felt our apartment was so unbelievably large, bright, and five-stared, though i've lived in it for eight years.

I felt so aliced and aliened about the elevator, my room, the kitchen, and the bathroom, though it's been only about two months' left.

I was embarrassed when looking for taiwan dollar to pay the pearl milk tea, though it was more of two pieces of memory than that.

I was talking to mama when eating dumplings, drinking milk tea, watching news about election, though at the same time tata, sis, bro were at home; though all of us were at home, there weren't a family.

I watched a movie(Nicolas Cage was in; I thought of watching The Apprentice of Socerors with you), unpacked the baggage(I thought of last summer when I came back from London.), took the bath(There were some makeup and new washing stuffs from my sis; she is a grownup now. I thought of the bath in Tatărasi and Independenți.)

The word FAMILY keeps bumping out of my forehead. I try to explain that it's because I miss Ade so much, but often fail with the admission that I've normalized our situation for so long.

Your dream came to me: you want to have a nice family and be a good father. Nineteen months ago, I kind of condescended your dream. It would have been disappointing to know that the only thing you were good at your life was to be a nice tata or mama.

Your words came to me: It was normalized that a family doesn't have to eat together. It has never been normal. Ok, I was really used to it and felt nothing more about that; now I am not so sure.

Am home, at least.