結婚

不小心一下子VivaTech就結束了
不小心一下子就去加拿大陷入熱戀了
不小心一下子就去了小島 一個禮拜一個禮拜地過
不小心 就這樣快要辦結婚了

May we laugh till out 60s.

I have a strong feeling that I am not heading to the place that I really wanna go.
What do i want to do in the future?

I am heading so far away from digital...

I can help those who don't help themselves.
I can't stand those who are weak.

How capitalist and proud am I, how much prejudice I have within me.

重新出發

回三七看語嫣。

有些人，不用聯絡也可以這樣明白彼此生活，有些人，不用很努力就可以和人分享目前生活中最最重要的事。

覺得無比慶幸曾經在三七工作，淡淡的認識這些人，這樣重感情的人。

至少對我來說，是可以義不容辭為你再度搬家的朋友。經經提起，重重地放下。

--

一個半月，花了很多很多時間好好沈澱，沈澱和自己的關係，沈澱和家人的關係，和愛人的關係，和朋友的關係。

準備啟程再出發，明天充滿動力地再出發。

那些翻過的日曆與寫下的日子都無比珍貴、無比深刻，只是當下不斷地會忘記，忘記像寶藏一樣的這些人，在生命中無比重要的地位。那些在一起跳舞的人，一起旅行的人，一起打球看球賽的人，一起喝酒當喝水的朋友，一起為未來惆悵不堪又滿懷抱負的朋友，那些舊舊的朋友用嶄新的面容與姿態走向我面前的模樣。

當然也有，想要忘記的人。

一個半月的時間，學習當家庭主婦，學習重新找到一個人的平衡點，學習怎麼和法國政府對抗，學習怎麼和自己對抗，學習生活，一個半月的時間，學習自己學習，坐著用力動腦袋。

竟然有某些時刻會抗拒待在電腦面前打理思緒，那是幾年前的我萬萬想不到的呀。

一不小心，竟就變成過動兒了。

明天，就要重新再出發了，充了滿滿的電，用那些旅程，用那些時間，那些愛與話語。

這些努力是不是可以一直支撐我下去到明年五月底？這些努力是否可以讓我前往我想要去的地方，這些努力是不是可以在不遠的將來讓我感到心安？

我們一起去加拿大，是一樣那樣遙遠的陳舊的願望呀，

和母親去溫哥華的驚奇與記憶，和千去魁北克多倫多渥太華的爭吵與牽絆，而將來，和愛人一起建築的新生活新夢想。

我做得到嗎？你做得到嗎？

我們有辦法互相拉拔至此嗎？

我多麼願意，我多麼渴望和這個人分享未來。

一起變老一起想像那些未來的更美好的時刻。

--

明天，用力認識很多人，The Art of People

For the last two months of my 2017

1. "What was my most productive month this week?" 

September, when a long vacation is over and new life, new semester and season has begun. It's when I was born and I often feel very energetic this month.

Was it January, when you were all hyped about the new year? What did you do that made you so productive? What was your daily schedule like? What were you spending your time doing? This is where keeping a journal can be extremely helpful. You can always look back to see what your day to day was like.

2. "Who in my life has been the most helpful?"

Nico and my mom. I need the support from them so much.

I don't necessarily mean helpful as in, "Who has done the most for me?" What I mean is, who in your life has been the best influence? Who has been the most understanding, supportive? Who has taught you the most? These are the people you should prioritize spending more time with, moving forward.

3. "Who in my life has been the most distracting?"

Conversely, who in your life has made working toward your goals more difficult? Who gives you every reason not to make progress, not to get done what you need to get done? There will always be people in your life who, in some way, make it more difficult to put your head down and get things done. And I'm not saying to stop being friends with them. Just be aware of how and why things happen, and make decisions accordingly.

4. "When do I get the best work done?"

In the morning in a coffee shop and late night in a coffee shop.

Is it in your apartment in the early morning? Is it at a coffee shop, late afternoon? Is it while you're traveling? When do you get in your flow most frequently, and what can you do to put yourself in more situations like that, more often?

5. "What have you been prioritizing over those personal goals of yours?"

Being with my love, but is being with my love not meaning a personal goal?

Being with my friends.

A lot of people say they want to get healthy and go to the gym more. A lot of people talk about that book they want to write, or that startup idea they want to pursue. And yet, very few do. So the real question is, "What are you prioritizing?" Why are you choosing to do other things, if you keep saying what you really want to do is this thing you never prioritize doing? 

6. "What are your most used excuses?"

I don't want to.

We all have them--our long list of excuses as to why we can't do something. The most popular one is, "I don't have enough time." That's a lie. You have time to take 34 minute showers. You have time to watch your favorite shows. You have time to go out for nice dinners. You have plenty of time. So, take some time then and question what your favorite excuses are--and then ask yourself what you can do to excuse yourself from your tasks at hand, less.

7. "What will bring you the most fulfillment?"

People's recognition, nature.

People love choosing projects that bring them external approval, financial reward, or some other form of "guaranteed success." But what about personal fulfillment? What did you say you were going to do this year, for the sake of just being happy, that somehow got pushed to the wayside? 

Grasse matinée

I used to love this idea a lot when I was younger and sleep seemed to be the best thing to do at weekends and vacations.
I remember those summer times I needed so many sleep to get energy.

And as the age comes to me, I begin to sleep only as much as I need; not that I need less, but that I don't take more.
I just can't get back to real sleep as I have these great things waiting for me in the morning.
Or maybe I would not mind having another room, or just a bigger kitchen where I can sit down, read my news, write things, or prepare a breakfast. Or maybe else I can handle this and feel it's not that bad to have a grasse mat.

How far can an imagination goes? How far can our bluemap goes?

We must know how to seize what begins.

好像到最後可能還是一廂情願呀對妳

Alors, 明天第一次和你旅行，非常奇妙的，難以用中文想像與你對話。

我深深明白一切都會非常順利，就算是我人生第一次要野外紮營，像九份、像宜蘭或台南，只要和對方在一起，下再大的雨，好像都可以。

--

但我也惦記著妳，許是妳要說我見色忘友了，但實情是因為實在太習慣這樣遙遠的惦記，無需時時刻刻關切但我深深明白妳想著我而我也想著妳，對我來說就很夠了，對我來說不知道從什麼開始我們進入大人的世界，我對妳無話不說，但也不是什麼都必說不可。

因為妳，是那樣子的了解我，世界上，最瞭解我的人。世界上，因為太多過往故事而對我最能予以寬容的人，世界上，唯一知道我可以用情有多深的人。

回憶起來，在妳身上我學到最大的事情，是寬容，是彈性。

用中文，我向妳說話，文字襲來，我難以停下敲打著鍵盤。

那是一種非常溫柔的對話，我與妳，我與中文文字，那是一種在法文或英文裡，我永遠難以達到的狀態。

如果言語難以到達，光是情感與肢體有辦法嗎？

實在，有太多太多想表達的了。

只是好像，有的時候不表達也無所謂。

擁有你們的春秋和冬夏

小時候很常莫名其妙地感到一陣熱血青春，和一群人一起癲癲瘋瘋的；
現在也可以這個樣子，但那種深切奮力到底的感受卻沒有了。
跳個舞，明明很可以青春熱血的呀。

現在的奮力到底，是為了成為更好的版本的自己，但究竟更好的版本代表的是什麼，我也不是特別清楚了。

How is it possible that I have so many things to say but so little memories to keep them new and fresh?

There are butterflies but not enough; there are trembles but not enough.

What is that thing that satisfies me?

Days pass like ... like ...

等等要不要見個面?五分鐘也好.

I think this is absolutely the reason why we are so different.

“徹底歸國” “徹底開巴黎”

都是我幻想了無比多次但又全力以赴拒絕的一件事。

insatiable inventors

oh yes never put your little egg in one basket only.

cuz time's not gonna wait for you.

香水

一把鑰匙所代表的意義，從始至終，對我來說都無比的巨大。


在一段關係裡，你想要的是雙方可以帶給彼此幸福，在彼此的存在之下感到自在。你想要旅行，看見世界，pensé et l'être。
我想要可以做自己，我想要對方也可以做自己，我想要1+1>2。

做自己有多不容易，是極大的奢侈，年輕時的自己曾經可以徹底地享有這樣的奢侈。但最後卻仍然停在某個時間點。


我想起幾年前的冬天她遞給我家裡的鑰匙，那時候很冷，
那樣的清晨醒來，我總是感到非常幸福，我總是想像幾個月會發生什麼事並充滿了期望。
那把鑰匙並沒有陪伴我很久，我也早已不記得之後的故事。

擁有一個家庭是那樣脹大中的慾望，隨著年紀的增長。


但現在我還無法對這段感情有任何更多的想像，我無法預測幾個月後，我究竟會在哪裡。
於是只有把每個當下當作幾個月，把每個當下永恆地延長。


他擁有了所有我可以想像的優點，所有。

一把鑰匙可以打開多少扇門。

The craziest deed in two days.

Bless.

女人當自強。

光鮮亮麗的背後，浴室裡的排水孔會默默地衝出很多蛇皮，在夜裡打攪安寧，在星期日午後使人黏膩。

光鮮亮麗的背後，有很多很多犧牲的。
但默默的與室友處理完了，就也沒什麼似的繼續生活下去了。