internship day48-am I?

I did that all the time.

In a foreign country and often at the end of my journey.

I am too dare.

I don't know how much I am capable of.

I don't realize the limitation of myself, just like Vi.

Often under these black consciousness, I forgot things.

Maybe because of the alcohol, and maybe because of the people around us, that makes us lose ourself.

But the fact is that, there are too many things to care, and that makes people upset, unhappy, old, and dull.

Grab the life, even thought it has been fooling around for some times.

It's a matter of choice.

He told me so.

I miss Lasvan and his beautiful blue-grey eyes.

I have a kid also named Lasvan now.

He has some problem with the nerve system.

Or some problem I don't know.

Alexandra also. I miss her. Where has she been?

These kids don't play with others.

They don't know things.

And for people don't realize the happiness behind unknown, they take them as pity.

For me, they are the happiest children, they have people to take them care.

They don't take responsibility and they know not pain, hurt, and war.

They know not the inability of human being.

The earth is circling around them. They don't want a lot. They only want to be themselves.

Razvan has a pair of coarse hands. The hands are small, but feel like paper.

He is not as hyperactive as Alexandra. He listens to people's commend.

He answers questions. He asks for things. He's a bit clumsy, like Alex, and he smiles like a wolf.

I love him taking me as a bridge. Every time when he is falling, he grabs me, holding me like a saving life.

But he is a big kid.

Alex is smaller. She cries for a moment and right after she got the things she want, she stops.

She lies on the floor all the time. She jumps up and down all the time.

She doesn't eat with others. She walks round and round when others are being as a group.

She smiles at you like she is really friendly. but in fact she is smiling for nothing, though that smile is so sweet that you cannot help make a funny face at her.

Oh I miss her.

Gotta go.

Am in iulius now. our saving boat.

internship day48-religion

I want to say something about people's belief here.

about people's fear and love for god.

about people's doubt for god.

about myself being in a distance with god.

about yesterday i went to the international church to attend a hearty ceremony.

But not in a mood.

Will return to it later.

I went to Ade's hometown again after sending Janet away.

And that morning after the disco, when i was writing diary, it was cold;

at the same time it was warm.

I once told Ade that I felt family.

For me, family is always a thing that I cannot tell more about it.

For me, family means my mom and my sis.

It is not complete, for some time and still.

But at this place, and often when I am with her, I always feel so at ease, so comforted.

Ade is a crazy girl but not a courageous girl.

I like her for that she is so sensitive and i am always with her.

I like her loving to share, to help, to enjoy the laziness of life.

I like her smiling, dancing, eating, and hugging people.

I like her thinking about me.

Most of all, we are friends, instead of trainees.

For all of these, I so much want to know how project in NTLC is going through.

All the time her voice shouting Teo to wake up at the beach waving around my ear.

Once, oh i remember it was when we walking on the street at night in Oradea.

We were heading for the pub.

I missed her so much. I was not sleepy at all.

I just missed her.

I love mama, tata, mady, Ionuț's family, and the thing that happening between these people.

It is love and connection.

Here in this country, or at least in Iasi, I found this connection so strong that I almost cannot get away with it.

I realize at this internship, I did the thing I promised myself.

That was to care.

Though most of the time I hate that three thousand kilometers(or nearer?) away there is a war happening, and people die there. We, I cannot do anything about that.

Or we don't give a shit.

Ade:"He should have a haircut."

I will all my life remember her eyes falling on him when she said so.

Internship day34-to maman

Mommy!!!

Ce faci?(How are you?)

子宮好了沒？

有沒有去上班？

林朱朱放榜了嗎？

有沒有好好上法文課？

很多事情想說，香港女孩會說中文，但不流利，所以我已經很久很久沒有講中文了，

在倫敦的時候還有嗎啡跟我說中文，現在都要忘記了。

我想自己非常非常的台灣，非常非常的認命於一切，我爭取想要的，但又不求完美。

公寓沒有洗衣機，一個多月了，牛仔褲非洗不可，常常洗到手很痛腰很酸。

公寓在好的地段，可是沒有電視，網路不持續，是朋友的朋友的公寓，一個月一百二十歐元。（不用擔心，幼稚園都有付錢。）

我想要電視，至少我可以看個電影聽個音樂，這裡的休閒非常非常少，兩點下班（應該是十二點半下班，但我都會陪他們睡覺。），我想去走路去看這個城市，可是好熱好熱，到處都很熱，mall也很熱，公車也很熱，然後到處都沒有冷氣，然常常到處都很臭。

羅馬尼亞人也是一種任命的民族，他們認為喔忍一忍就好了，本來就是這樣的。然後不去求好。

比如說，在Zara，有三台機器可以刷卡，他們用了其中一台，不行，就不試了，就是不行，不知道為什麼，付現金吧。

比如說，在客運（噢我真不喜歡他們的客運，他們是娃娃車我想，比公車小，十六個位子，沒有拉環，一次我沒有位子，車上擠了二十八個人，我前方三個臭中年男人，後方兩個肥胖老女人，三個小時，沒有冷氣。）上，有窗戶可以開，但靠近我們的那個好像是卡住了，羅馬尼亞朋友試了一下想開，開不了，就不試了。沒關係吧，撐一下就到了。

我變得很黑，但並不很在意。

蚊子很多，我的腳快要爛掉，小孩捏我屁股，我很多瘀清。

頭髮一直掉，可能是吃了太多垃圾食物和和太多自來水。沒有拉肚子，吐了一回，因為醉得很厲害。

月經怪怪的。我帶著月經穿著比基尼去海邊。超辣。

好像變胖了因為肚子一直是大的。

一般食物很貴又很不健康（但幼稚園的是天堂），傳統食物很好吃也蠻健康，水果很便宜，好蘋果一個才十塊錢，麵包奶類也很便宜，

衣服也很便宜，計程車也很便宜。公車客運火車很台灣差不多錢，等級很不好，但也沒的選。

他們有很多很愚蠢的行為，

比如說，進游泳池要買票，（喔他們的游泳池是把海邊搬到城市裡，有沙灘和比基尼辣妹曬太陽，沒有水道可言，我大開眼界。）買了票，就在票亭扣要驗票（不到一步），驗票人員拿了我的票，撕成一半，丟進垃圾桶。

我無法理解這是在幹嘛。

喔得走了，要去火車站買票去Oreada.

我的號碼不能打國際電話。

(The guy with stupid costume just punched a little girl with a huge sound. so disgusting.)

（no, i guess it's the filming of wedding pictures. I have to say it's not beautiful at all.）

internship day34-grădiniţă paradisul

I went Janet's kindergarten today.

And I am glad that I have my kids in Penilla.

I miss them extremely today.

I love the way ştefinia seeing me.

I love the way Daria looking for me.

I love the way Edi talking to me.

I love the way Karina wanting me to play bilă.

I love the way Andrei counting English numbers when playing bingo with me.

I love the way Gabi calling me Jessy.

I love the way Alex loving me and avoiding me.

I love the way Tudor crying like hell.

I love the way Filip saying scuze after he drew on my Zara.

And so on and so on and so on.

Thanks to myself spare everything to be involved into them.

They don't have to behave well.

They don't have to follow the stupid adult rules.

They do what they love to do at the age of knowing nothing.

Though, people often say that the more you understand, the more you suffer.

Is that true?

I doubt that. Still at the same time I hope my kids take the medicine of Peter Pan.

They are lovely, for they have love.

My coworkers are lovely, for they know to talk about reasons with children.

I am lovely too, for I play casă with them.

Last Friday, on David's and Sorana's birthday, David(the other one) bit Tudor.

I saw the face when he bit him.

I start to think of the family that he is in.

What kind of family makes that face out of him?

I miss Lasvan. When will he come back?

internship day34-passingby.

My memories pass by.

I've been here for one month.

Am now sitting at the bench of Copou park, with the sunshine and old ladies' laughs.

But the dimension is so condensed that I can not spread it out.

I couldn't believe these. Still at the same time I know I am capable of doing everything.

Like Ana, Adela said that she was not afraid of anything.

Moi aussi. I assure myself that everything is possible, cuz it's all about people/human.

I M POSSIBLE.

We just went back from Constanța.

On the way, Jose, Ade, Teo, and Ana were pushing the seat to each other.

I was sleeping, but my eyes were open. The thing I saw was the most chinese thing I've ever seen on the western people.

And I saw love and friendship.

Couldn't tell you how I consider myself lucky. I am in the IK team.

I struggled with the visa and there were these people who weren't willing to give me up.

(There are a group of people wearing traditional(or ancient I cannot tell) romanian costume filming. How interesting!)

As the train passing through the darkness, past was falling apart.

And there's no way to put it back.

Now the lady with fake curly hair in pick ridiculous pumping dress passing in front of me.

The costume is ancient. And there is a Samsung in her hand.

internship day26-madly.

How could I be so stupid.

What was I doing?

When _____, things are complicated.

In Suceava, the 28people bus with me standing for 3hours sweating like a fish, Dani arriving with the bike, walking, silence, churches, questions without answering, the bar, silence, walking, silence, phone calls, finding hostel at 0 a.m., walking, silence.

In Cluj Napoca, so far my favorite,

we saw the city, the colourful houses, the pebble roads, the first pouring rain, meeting Marius, sharing culture, thoughts, perspectives, couldn't pronounce "r", Iulius Mall with a Starbucks, city view from roof, Botanic Garden, walking, the first movie Inception, almost falling asleep, rude conversation(I should forgive), apartment like Adela's, sleep on a real bed and without waking, big and cheap turkish breakfast, meeting Vlad, Catholic church, Orthodox church, ceremony, talkings....

The city was grey and I love it so much. It was open, young, and bumping.

My impression was blurred. Everything was grey, and wet. And I was madly in love with the people beside me.

No pozes.

Mostly we talked.

And that was so far the most enjoyable talking here in romania.

On the train, I remember only the wonderful moments.

Dani's smile, the girl asking if I need help, the old man seeing me looking for Dani, all the scenery....

Though, when ____ involved, things are complicated.

Marius asked me if I were Jose, would I consider staying?

For sure, DA.

I made some stupid words without going to the brain.

These are the things that I absolutely need to get rid of.

How I love this place.

I've always known that I am easy to get used to things.

But I didn't know how flexible I am.

Today coming back from the train station, a guy asked me how could he take the bus to Patrick University, in Romanian.

Nu stiu Romana, I said.

Englez?

Da.

Where can I take the bus to the university?

Nu stiu, I am sorry.

I should have called Mada or anyone else to help.

It was almost ten. The buses stop at ten. Everything stops at ten.

I should have. And that means I haven't become a Romanian, cuz they are always so helpful.

Always regret when things already happened.

Plans are steamering.

-Cluj, Timisoara, Brasov....

-London.

I should meet him.

internship day21-explore.

quickly notes.

I was peeing and I thought about yesterday in parc Copou we interrupt the IK weekly meeting.

I said that Taiwan does not have traditional wedding. We don't have our speciality.

NO.

I was totally wrong.

I told some people that Taiwan is an immigration society and that makes us no much tradition.

What was I thinking??!!

Tradition is the old thing but it exists in our every daily life.

Exactly due to the fact that Romanians having their traditional wedding makes our wedding special.

From our perspective, we are westernized.

We wear white dress and sometimes go into the church.

We do some small actions such as exchange of wine and bride will give sweets to guests.

I guess it's only because that in my years in Taipei I've only attend one wedding in eight years.

My memories of wedding all come from my uncle and aunt.

But, from their perspective, we are special, only because of their special makes us special.

Things are relative.

When I was peeing, I realized this.

internship day20-Working abroad.

The weekend me, Jose, and Janet, we went to Suceava.

We sent Jacquline in the train station.

Oh I forgot to talk about the leaving of Jacquey.

She came here one week after Jose.

She is from Brazil.

Among her internship, she had been through some problems with the negotiation between AIESEC and the House of Fairies.

She complained.

She adopted herself to the bad situation.

On Friday, She told me and Alexandra that she came here a person and she went back another.

Indeed, she was.

Among the people in my project, she is the one I interact the least.

For when I arrived here, she is bothered by the circumstance. And then the weekend she went to Switzerland.

We've been together to Braşov that weekend.

I like her. She is the kind of good sis.

Alexandra from her kindergarten said that she spent a lot of time with the kids and she was always there when they were in need even though she didn't speak roman much.

And kids turn more to her than to Alex.

I should be like her.

Ok turn back to Suceava.

oh it's about five. I should meet mada at five in union square.

Will continue later.

ba.

Internship day20-Romanian.

About language.

I learn a lot in my 20 days.

Ade said I learn fast.

I said that's because they are like français.

But in fact, it's not the answer, for the words I know and the sentences I learned are nothing close to français.

Most of the reasons come from Jose, the guy from Porto Rico.

He knows español, german, français, english, italian.

And he i so much eager to learn more.

I admire that attitude, a lot.

So, this is one of my expectations here.

I want to learn roman as much as I can, even just to a poor a level.

I want to help those who speak roman in their whole life.

I want to ask for direction from those who have learned englez but not yet willing to speak out.

But most important of all, I would very much like to add language element to my nonverbal interaction with the kids.

Yesterday on the little bus coming back from Suceava, the old woman sitting next to Janet talked with her.

She was curious about us, our culture, religion, and why we were here.

She spoke some englez. She asked where do we live in Iaşi.

Janet answered that we rent the apartment.

She didn't understand. Jose didn't know the word in roman.

The lady said sorry that she doesn't understand much englez.

Jose said,"nonono, we feel sorry that we couldn't speak romanian."

Yes we are here. So we do as much as we can to adopt ourselves.

Now even to people around me, I start to say short phrase in roman.

I like that, a lot more than I thought I do.

Internship day20-Emptiness.

Today is the most empty day of my working in Penilla.

They are all gone.

My favorite kids.

Giovani, Elena, Andrei, Maria, Daria, Alexandra, Lasvan, Alexandru, Ioana.......

The teachers I used to work with are out on their vacations as well.

I see those little faces as usual.

But, I cannot remember their names.

No, I never know the little ones' names.

I always play with the big ones.

Now they are seven and are about to go to school.

Today I saw Edy cry.

He never cried. He is the most special child of mine.

He always watches as other children are playing.

He is the observer, sitting next to the teacher, watching kids play.

He seldom talks. But it doesn't mean that he is shy and not energetic.

Edy has some special traits that are different from others.

He is smart, close to you, and mature.

Today I saw Edy cry, when his father was gonna left him.

I miss him held in teacher Ștefania's arms every morning when I arrived.

They are the perfect match.

People here come and go.

Kids grow up and parents take them away to a higher educational institution.

Otilia showed me a lot of the pictures, works, and videos of her children.

She was full of smile when she showed me these.

That was the first day of my work.

I didn't know then that they are her first graduation children.

Today I felt empty when small group crying and shouting out loud in the colorful ball room and small playground.

We never played in the small playground.

Today we got only 12 children.

What did she feel?

What did she feel when she has to read them story and hold them in her breast?

I felt empty when Lavinia today did not stick by my side.

I felt empty when I realized that this place, for the kids, will only be their short stop on their long way to adults.

They come here since 2 or 3. Some stay only for a week, some for a month, some for a summer, and still some, they stay long enough as to remember their play mates, and their teachers.

I asked Otilia if she thought the children left would remember her.

She said to me yes. She is 30 now, and she still remembers her teacher in the kindergarten.

I would say yes, too. I still remember my teachers.

But what about me?

Will they remember the girl with a different looking, coming long from Taiwan, spending two weeks with them?

I doubt that.

I feel sour on my heart.

On Friday I left later than usual.

Giovani left in the noon.

We said goodbye. He hugged me and gave me a kiss.

I was a bit awkward. How could I?

I should have hug him for thirty minutes and give him one hundred kisses.

He is so smart. He was the leader of the big group. He and Elena were a pair.

They fight. They laugh. They speak about secrets. They take turns to stay on the little toy bicycle.

Do he even notice the significance of leaving?

Do they know what does it mean by saying goodbye?

"Baba" is one of my favorite Romania words.

But on Friday, I didn't say that when I watched him walk out that door.

I didn't take the big group's pictures.

Nor did I take the photo of those who left on the vacation.

It's sorrow.

Now the six-year-olds are Ștefinia and Sorana.

Next wee Ștefinia is gonna leave also.

She is the cleverest of all. She is so sweet and thoughtful.

She alway tried very hard to think about a word in English to send her thoughts to me.

One day she didn't wear her blue glasses.

I asked her where it was.

I looked at her. She was thinking deeply and breathing deeply.

And she told me,"glasses, house."

I was so happy, so so much.

So, things go on like this.

People change and grow.

They start to know things. They start to understand each other and get socialized.

They learn all the way till they died.

Every day, my children are older than yesterday.

Every step, they are not the same.

Beautiful people...it's all about giving a damn!

Alexandra Birladianu's Blog

This is not "Just another WordPress.com weblog"

Beautiful people… It’s all about giving a damn!

30072010

India is full of them!… And when I say beautiful, I don’t talk just about the way they look…

Today was just another life lesson for me. I get that a lot in India lately, from the people I work with, from the people I see on the street, from my flat mates, from children, from friends, from lovely “Didi” that helps us maintaining the apartment clean, and the list goes on!

There have been so many moments in my life when I didn’t really appreciated where I come from, my parents or my sister, my friends, my leaders and colleagues fromAIESEC, my friends from Ghana and generally whatever life sent on my way. I didn’t appreciate to the fullest the challenges, the happy moments spent with people I love, the opportunities, the advices, and the love. There were moments I didn’t know how, there were moments in which I was blind; there were moments in which I mistook the good for bad. And I complained, I bitched about it, I was angry, I was sad, depressed, annoyed… and generally losing my time and energy…

Today was a beautiful day and I was lucky, very lucky to be part of it. Right now it’s one of the very rare times in which I find it very difficult to express how I feel. Today,International Days of Caring was celebrated by Alcatel-Lucent employees in NCR, India, and being part of it was just amazing.

The volunteers, my happy self included, together with the children from Faith Foundation, spent the day in an amusement water park. You might say it’s not such a big thing but thinking about the fact that these children have so very few opportunities to enjoy themselves and genuinely smile… for me it was just heart breaking. At a certain moment in time we watched a dancing performance prepared for us by the children. They were amazing. I know, I use the world a lot but right now I feel it’s the most appropriate one.

I was looking at them dancing on the stage and I couldn’t help thinking about how this world with look like if children of the world would have chances, real chances to learn, study, enjoy, achieve, develop… and smile! And there are so many children that don’t have that chance! And it’s just heart breaking. Among these children could be a Gandhi, an Einstein, a Nadia Comaneci, a Nash, a Doris Lessing, and the list can go on… But these children, these beautiful smart children never stand a chance.

I love what Faith Foundation is doing in Delhi. I hope there are more and more Faith Foundations in this world. And I respect the company I work for a lot more because of this CSR initiative, which takes place all over the world. And I respect my colleagues from work a lot more for their involvement. I have never seen such commitment from people like I see in India. This is beauty at its purest form! Giving a damn about the world you live in.

Our world is so cold and pathetic at times… Life isn’t worth living if you don’t give a damn. I just want to thank to all my friends and all the people I know, in India and Romania and any other place in this world for giving a damn and doing something about it! Thank you. I might have this AIESEC attitude but I really believe that we can make the world a better place! By giving a damn and acting accordingly!

Thank you India!

Me happy!

internship day19-Suceava.

I need to say about the talking with Daniel and the trip to Suceava as well.

About the learning, expectation, and so on.

Due to the transportation situation, I get a lot of time to walk.

While waking, I think about how my life has been changed by this internship.

Every day, every moment, there are new things come into my mind.

Every new person I meet gives me new perspective of the world and people living in it.

Will spend a night writing these.

Maybe tomorrow, cuz we not yet have the appointment tomorrow night.

YET. We always pop-up with some accidental activities.

Oh and one more thing.

Dani is a person that has two fish on his face when he smiles.

Like Lasvan, his eyes are blue grey like the morning lake.