The sky is mine, and probably yours.

我不想睡.

時間走個不停, 然後我眼睛一閉就會有東西流失.

Inchide ochii.

是否你能看見我的影像 與我.

最後一個晚上. 我感覺再也沒有什麼比當下更為平靜的.

勇氣是可恥的; 我害怕那些謊言與揭發; 害怕你的睜眼與我的二十歲.

fear that you are the center of my sun.

fear of the break of words and days.

事情做得完嗎？

思想寫得出來嗎？

感情退得夠遠嗎？

表格攤在我面前, 不願意, 但明白一敲鍵都是離你更近一點.

孩子與朋友, 孩子與朋友的家人, 日子有你們而冰冷 而溫熱.

時間是籠罩的現實, 荒誕的想像. 你們在那天, 我在這天.

Inchide ochii.

我讓我的眼皮找到我的眼睛, 也許還有你的.

She digs her nails into her naked chest
Miles of veins fan out like a road map
She pulls back the skin to show her ribs
That twinkle like shooting stars.

我希望我有個名字, that means more to me than a mere friend.

閉起你的綠色眼睛, 也許會有我的藍色指甲, 藍色牛仔褲, 與藍色的太陽與星星.

Nobody will haunt me in this last day in Romania.

疤痕還會在, 疼痛還會在, 記憶還會在, 但顏色是會退去的.

papa Iasi

I was walking on those roads and alleys, trying to fix myself at the moment at the meanpalce.

But each time there was only failure.

People always say that they cannot feel the pass of time.

Oh I do. Exactly because of the moving of that dead man, I cannot put all the outspread maps and scenery in my mind.

I stood in front of the library, on the stefen cel mare, and on independenți, thinking each time this is it. The same sunset won't be there again.

THIS IS IT.

Even though I come back, I won't be the contemporary me anymore; you won't be the same IK and craus anymore.

So this is it.

Today I stood in the middle of Parcal Herăstrău, impulsively and stupidly thinking maybe I should go back to iasi. Bucuresti is beautiful but is too much like Taipei, and I don't want to be a visitor. I want to be a resident.

But in the end it was merely an impulse.

Sorry Mada and Teo for my selfish and childish.

I am always uncertain about a lot of things; I can stand in front of the beverage roll in the convenience store for one hour deciding what should I buy.

But I also decide thing in an impulse.

I just thought that this is it. So I went to buy the train ticket right before we met in Sage.

I said goodbye to you in that little adorable cafe. We were all there at the first time I went there.

I don't want that there might only be two of you in gara. I would be sad about that.

I know you will be OCP of IK next year when I check on AIESEC iasi.

I know you will still be so smart and stupid next time I see you.

Live through your own rocky and beautiful life.

I will be in the opposite side of earth watching you. (Teo is it really the opposite of earth?)

return and înţeleg

For the one.

I miss you.

But I know this kind of feeling will fade away in the end, or minute by minute.

Like always.

The promise was that exactly six months after, in winter, we will send a mail.

And that I will find myself the thing. What if, that will be you?

I should stop the music I heard.

And go brush my teeth.

I watched the video; you were so funny.

Want to ask you the name of the song, but it's not allowed.

Am in the midland youth hostel in Bucuresti.

It's nice as i've imagined. I think of Cira's staying in HK.

Living with fourteen people from outside of romania is great, though not much talking.

People's respect and low voice make me feel at ease. There are kitchen chatting; bathroom cleaning and smoky balcony.

I always like the window and the high place.

This is the perfect moment one can have in his old age or adventurous age. Why?

For the fact that things are vice versa, though not always.

I don't look people in the eye. oohhh giorgii i return you back.

It was a good day. People in the train were nice.

Though it was too warm that i miss iasi;

though it was too lonely that i miss ade, mada, teo, and a friend;

though it was too tired that i miss mihai's apartment;

still i finished the thing planned.

There are a lot of stuffs need not to be said or explained.

misses.

write later.

Internship day54-international church

I just came back from international church behind lulus mall.

I was so warmed by the people there.

It was because of Edi, the director of Penilla, that I met Ioana, her daughter.

It was because of Ioana, that I went to International Church and met these people the second time.

There were a lot of Africans, maybe from all around the world but i suppose most of them are from Nigeria, that study medicine in Iasi.

There were some people from States, David and his family, the woman with beautiful voice and some others.

There were some gypsy kids. They were so nice. They were big kids, and I saw joy on their faces, not only because of the meal that they can have but also because of the people there were doing them really nice and all. They hugged each other and I hugged them, too, just like last week.

It was a small house, or a big room so to say. The light was yellow and weak.

We chatted with each other about our stories and had a wonderful meal.

People have the birthday cake of the people that is gonna have their age up in september.

I was one of them. All these people, smiling, singing to us. I was so joyful, so glad that I came again. (Thanks for the reasons that make me stay.)

It was a community, a family.

I always think of Christmas when the family concept comes to my mind.

We sang some songs and listened to David telling us the story of Christian.

Honestly, I don't really really have the image of the story, for I don't read it well in my freshman year.

Then we hugged people, saying peace of christ.

And sang again.

I didn't know these songs before, but I could sing on the rhythm and the lyric very easily.

Maybe it's because of the God.

David said that he's gonna tell his friend in Taiwan to contact me to this kind of community church.

That was so so so nice.

The concept of religion keeps changing along my internship.

I am never a religious person.

When in Taiwan, I didn't like people like Stuward so much. I thought them crazy, maybe.

I thought them weird, and so the thing they believe was weird, too.

I had prejudice.

I am a Christian, but i don't know what i belong to.

I don;t know what does it mean to me.

Is it only a reliance or a support that I can count on when I am in need?

Is it a thing that get me more to the dream I am pursuing for, in a word, europe or states?

Or actually I never thought about that.

I think I am a christian, for the fact that I never know what does it mean by a christian.

I prayed for good grades when I was only twelve. I prayed in front of a Santa Claus candle and a bell.

That was so innocent, and true.

Then I stopped.

I guess sometimes I just love the shape of cross that went back again to have cross with me.

It was the senior high entrance exam.

I remembered I showed it to Christina.

Yes, I never thought what did it mean to me.

It was just something to rely on, something when I was in crisis or I wished for sth, I would turn to.

That is really ok, at least so far.

I have the freedom to believe anything in anyway.

I don;t care if god save me or not; i don;t care if god let me into his world or not.(Maybe that in a way denies myself being a christian?)

I am not baptized. Perhaps after I go to Eric, I will wan to, and I will consider him as sth powerful and just in the rest of my life.

I told my theory to Marius. He is a ourstander, sort of like a neo-protestant, like Dani.

He said i am a fake christian. I only turn to him when i need him.

He gave me a word, but I really forgot. I should remember someday.

Ok, so now, I in a sense hope that people think me as a christian, officially.

What if I go back in Taiwan, a place that believe nothing but people's own power?

Marius said that he regarded it really ridiculous that people, especially in thins part of romania, seriously consider god as the only savior of their miserable life.

People sin, and come to god, or the server of god.

Get the forgiveness of god, and then sin again.

What's that all about?

I am always amazed by the power of a church, no matter it is Catholic or Orthodox or whatever.

They are all the time so beautiful and saintful.

And I get in, look at those people regarding themselves sinner, kissing at the pictures of christ and his mother.

Or each time we come by a church, there are always people doing the crossing posture.

I heard this in Before Sunrise,

"even though I reject most of these religious thing

i cant help but feeling for those people that come here

lost or in pain, guilt

looking for some kind of answers

it fascinates me how a single place can join so much pain and happiness

of so many generations."

Ok, I kind of have the same opinion for that.

Really I don;t believe all these saving things, for the fact that i really don't care what or where I will be after my death, as long as I have no feeling for that.

Even when i have a crash on my plane and I stand in front of the gate of heaven, he ask me why should I let you in.

I really have no answer for that; and I don;t care he let me in or not, anyway.

So, am I a christian?

I doubt that, but I want to be one.

People can believe in anything in any way, that is one of my beliefs.

He is not gonna be in town on wed and thur. What the hell.

Maybe I should go on wed to cluj? Or don;t go anyway, just for bucuresti?

What the fuck. I really have no clue for that.

But you don;t care anyway, do you?

Ioana said that I was not certain at anything. That's a way to see things, isn't it?

I start to like this girl.

internship day54-conflict

It is Sunday morning.

I am sitting in the balcony having the cold sun pouring on me.

Watching the one hundred and one Paris je t'aime is actually great to me.

Its a seriously sucked movie.

I watched Before Sunrise also.

No that's not the thing I wanna talk about.

I actually don't know what I want to say.

Just the idea that I went out of the room and saw the city like this.

I thought of vivian, how was she.

She used to love Sunday morning. When most people are still sleeping, the city is awake.

I told whosoever that I hat the weather here.

I don;t know what am I talking about. I am insane about the weather here, especially these days.

I can see four seasons. Now in the sun, it's warm, while without sun and only wind, it is cold.

When people travel, comparison happens and memory of the past comes to you without warning.

I looked at the Trei Ierarhi, thinking ok, now i know that is that, i never know that is that.

I was just amazed by the things around me and I never tried to figure out what is what.

That is actually nice, isn;t it?

You can invent the best and the worst of a thing, or a person.

There's no person telling me what's the bad about you and what you've done before.

I like that.

Or it's not Trei Ierarhi?(I am sure I spell it wrong.)

No, seriously, why people think conflict is so bad?

There would be good things coming out of it, don't they?

It's too cold, I am going inside.

(The subtitle of the movie just went 你想傷心到死嗎？ what a bad translation.)

Internship day54-和媽母講話

永遠是最最安心的事情.

我會忘記自己有多愚蠢, 如果到頭來, 我還是離開了,

這些日子都是白費.

不, 你會說這些日子是美好回憶,

你總是說些好像讀了很多書看了很多電影與人的話.

一早起來和媽咪講話, 是還迷迷濛濛的,

是最原始的起動.

然後發現講中文是多麼自然的事情. 我有多麼喜愛自己的語言.

因為他是我唯一能自由運用與其音調的語言.

我能表現我的態度的情緒.

當我思考, 當我在人群中獨自一人,

腦中與心中總是以英文來詮釋自己,

現在想來, 也許是因為是自己看自己, 因為覺得自己在表演給自己看.

媽咪問我夢裡的語言,

他們總是無聲的. 突然想問, 啞巴與聾人的夢, 也許是有聲音的嗎？

又, 盲人的夢是彩色的嗎？

應該要來算錢, 要來計畫一些事情.

要來打掃, 不然Mihai會恨我,

要來買行李箱, 要來打包要來把東西吃完.

我都知道的噢, 卻都做不到噢.

如果我可以同你說中文, 我還會是如此的無知嗎？

internship day53-close

There's two meanings to the word.

If it's a verbe, it refers to the closure of the mind or a door.

or it can be an adjectif, saying about a relationship between family, friends, or lovers.

I wake up late today.

My whole world was rotating by the anonymous light and air.

I love this place so much.

Now the thing is that I am an anonymous also. I have no position and no identity here.

The job(no it meant a lot to me than simply a job.)was ended. The people are gone.

I live here now.

Yesterday I thought of the things that could have happen again and again.

Like deja. The same dream broadcasts twice a day.

I watched the same movie endlessly. The same lines waving by my ear.

And I never fed up with all these.

There is a waiting list in front of me, though i really don't give a shit what others think.

My internship is officially finished.

I saw Ginger, Cira, and Rosalind are on the faci list.

I envy that. I want that so much. But I lost the chance cuz I was in Oradea.

Well, there are good part and bad part of the life at the same time.

I learned to be a trainer, a faci in that conference. But I gave out the chance of being a faci for that conference.

And vice versa.