Internship day54-international church

I just came back from international church behind lulus mall.

I was so warmed by the people there.

It was because of Edi, the director of Penilla, that I met Ioana, her daughter.

It was because of Ioana, that I went to International Church and met these people the second time.

There were a lot of Africans, maybe from all around the world but i suppose most of them are from Nigeria, that study medicine in Iasi.

There were some people from States, David and his family, the woman with beautiful voice and some others.

There were some gypsy kids. They were so nice. They were big kids, and I saw joy on their faces, not only because of the meal that they can have but also because of the people there were doing them really nice and all. They hugged each other and I hugged them, too, just like last week.

It was a small house, or a big room so to say. The light was yellow and weak.

We chatted with each other about our stories and had a wonderful meal.

People have the birthday cake of the people that is gonna have their age up in september.

I was one of them. All these people, smiling, singing to us. I was so joyful, so glad that I came again. (Thanks for the reasons that make me stay.)

It was a community, a family.

I always think of Christmas when the family concept comes to my mind.

We sang some songs and listened to David telling us the story of Christian.

Honestly, I don't really really have the image of the story, for I don't read it well in my freshman year.

Then we hugged people, saying peace of christ.

And sang again.

I didn't know these songs before, but I could sing on the rhythm and the lyric very easily.

Maybe it's because of the God.

David said that he's gonna tell his friend in Taiwan to contact me to this kind of community church.

That was so so so nice.

The concept of religion keeps changing along my internship.

I am never a religious person.

When in Taiwan, I didn't like people like Stuward so much. I thought them crazy, maybe.

I thought them weird, and so the thing they believe was weird, too.

I had prejudice.

I am a Christian, but i don't know what i belong to.

I don;t know what does it mean to me.

Is it only a reliance or a support that I can count on when I am in need?

Is it a thing that get me more to the dream I am pursuing for, in a word, europe or states?

Or actually I never thought about that.

I think I am a christian, for the fact that I never know what does it mean by a christian.

I prayed for good grades when I was only twelve. I prayed in front of a Santa Claus candle and a bell.

That was so innocent, and true.

Then I stopped.

I guess sometimes I just love the shape of cross that went back again to have cross with me.

It was the senior high entrance exam.

I remembered I showed it to Christina.

Yes, I never thought what did it mean to me.

It was just something to rely on, something when I was in crisis or I wished for sth, I would turn to.

That is really ok, at least so far.

I have the freedom to believe anything in anyway.

I don;t care if god save me or not; i don;t care if god let me into his world or not.(Maybe that in a way denies myself being a christian?)

I am not baptized. Perhaps after I go to Eric, I will wan to, and I will consider him as sth powerful and just in the rest of my life.

I told my theory to Marius. He is a ourstander, sort of like a neo-protestant, like Dani.

He said i am a fake christian. I only turn to him when i need him.

He gave me a word, but I really forgot. I should remember someday.

Ok, so now, I in a sense hope that people think me as a christian, officially.

What if I go back in Taiwan, a place that believe nothing but people's own power?

Marius said that he regarded it really ridiculous that people, especially in thins part of romania, seriously consider god as the only savior of their miserable life.

People sin, and come to god, or the server of god.

Get the forgiveness of god, and then sin again.

What's that all about?

I am always amazed by the power of a church, no matter it is Catholic or Orthodox or whatever.

They are all the time so beautiful and saintful.

And I get in, look at those people regarding themselves sinner, kissing at the pictures of christ and his mother.

Or each time we come by a church, there are always people doing the crossing posture.

I heard this in Before Sunrise,

"even though I reject most of these religious thing

i cant help but feeling for those people that come here

lost or in pain, guilt

looking for some kind of answers

it fascinates me how a single place can join so much pain and happiness

of so many generations."

Ok, I kind of have the same opinion for that.

Really I don;t believe all these saving things, for the fact that i really don't care what or where I will be after my death, as long as I have no feeling for that.

Even when i have a crash on my plane and I stand in front of the gate of heaven, he ask me why should I let you in.

I really have no answer for that; and I don;t care he let me in or not, anyway.

So, am I a christian?

I doubt that, but I want to be one.

People can believe in anything in any way, that is one of my beliefs.

He is not gonna be in town on wed and thur. What the hell.

Maybe I should go on wed to cluj? Or don;t go anyway, just for bucuresti?

What the fuck. I really have no clue for that.

But you don;t care anyway, do you?

Ioana said that I was not certain at anything. That's a way to see things, isn't it?

I start to like this girl.