12/09/10 01:22
acasă
a la maison
at home
在家
底厝
I trembled and smiled like idiot when I saw mama at the airport, thought it was more complicated than that.
I talked like being shut in an isolated island for a longtemp; though it was more irrobinsoned than that.
I was angry about taxi's slow, unhelpful service and high price, though it was more of a miss than that.
I felt our apartment was so unbelievably large, bright, and five-stared, though i've lived in it for eight years.
I felt so aliced and aliened about the elevator, my room, the kitchen, and the bathroom, though it's been only about two months' left.
I was embarrassed when looking for taiwan dollar to pay the pearl milk tea, though it was more of two pieces of memory than that.
I was talking to mama when eating dumplings, drinking milk tea, watching news about election, though at the same time tata, sis, bro were at home; though all of us were at home, there weren't a family.
I watched a movie(Nicolas Cage was in; I thought of watching The Apprentice of Socerors with you), unpacked the baggage(I thought of last summer when I came back from London.), took the bath(There were some makeup and new washing stuffs from my sis; she is a grownup now. I thought of the bath in Tatărasi and Independenți.)
The word FAMILY keeps bumping out of my forehead. I try to explain that it's because I miss Ade so much, but often fail with the admission that I've normalized our situation for so long.
Your dream came to me: you want to have a nice family and be a good father. Nineteen months ago, I kind of condescended your dream. It would have been disappointing to know that the only thing you were good at your life was to be a nice tata or mama.
Your words came to me: It was normalized that a family doesn't have to eat together. It has never been normal. Ok, I was really used to it and felt nothing more about that; now I am not so sure.
Am home, at least.
How much can an old/young brain remember? NOT memorize; otherwise, none, for I tried so goddamn hard to memorize the image of the circle of Bdul Carol/Independenți while standing at the end of independenți.
Simply the action of remember takes
(One mention: I went to some really nice bookstores in Bucuresti. In fact one of the nicest is Caturesti and Verona behind it. I love it, though in a way it seemed to be èlite.)
effort to remember. Or, it is built in the nature?
Remember the trivial little tiny loves and happiness in a certain moment. We might forget the exact causes or event; but the smell, the hearing is remained.
Remember the broken heart and the drop of tears, which is the biggest ruin at the masă.
We
(I might never know your hobbies and your good abilities to do certain things, besides***.)
(Exactly how much fusion can be in a mind/brain at one second? Mom will say that is due to the easy distraction. Yea I suppose.)
might forget how pieceful or how scatter the heart was; we might forget what river or brook the tear caused; we might forget how nobody can bring back the scattering.
Nonetheless, the kind of demon appeared in Harry Potter, which I forgot the name, will come back and haunt you from time to time.
(I want to poo, really.)
What meant to say is that I remember the incidents/emotions of largeness and smallness.
(don;t know if these words exist.)
But perhaps one day my capacity will full and start to winkle me to alarm me to erase something. I don;t have a mac to store the memories. So some of them will be erased/ deleted forever and ever, for good.
When I get old, like in THE NOTEBOOK, will somebody read the story of my life to me?
And then I could have the cruelest happiness to say, "Oh, what a good story, who is that girl in?"
I start to recognize the face of romanians, I can tell, really.
And there won't be any one like you, sexy, colorful, smart, cute, and you.
10/09/10 17:51
Limba Română reduced; frequency of Dutch and français increase, and some British English is heard.
I fell asleep when Tarom in the sky of Bucuresti. I was sad, but only for two hours and twenty-five minutes. My chest is pressed and twisted, but only for the period that I fell asleep again. In the dream, there were limba română, fro real.
I just talked to mama, saying I am going home now. She asked me what will be the terminal gate when I arrive in Taouang. I said, "Nu stiu." But I wasn't aware of that till mama asked again.
How I hope all these can remain forever.
I just filled the first question of the IK feedback form. I checked the file of my application to TNs in Romania in April. I couldn't breathe normally for a moment.
There were (ONCE- Take the sinking boat and pull it home..we still got some time..)
| gROw National Project | ROMANIA | AIESEC CLUJ-NAPOCA | ||
| AIESEC Pitesti | ROMANIA | AIESEC PITESTI | ||
| gROw National Project | ROMANIA | AIESEC BUCURESTI | ||
| Colegiul National "Fratii Buzesti" | AIESEC CRAIOVA | ROMANIA | 2010-03-30 | |
| gROw National Project | AIESEC SIBIU | ROMANIA | 2010-03-31 | |
| Grow | AIESEC ORADEA | ROMANIA | 2010-03-31 | |
| Grow | AIESEC ORADEA | ROMANIA | 2010-03-31 | |
I thought of Daniela, Andrei, ITTT, Giogi, the guy slept in Teo and mada's room, and Pasco(or Pasca i don't remember her name.)
What if, I was chosen by any of these?
What state of mind will I have by now? What different stories will I tell or write by now?
How spontaneous the fate/fortune can be.
Don't understand why there's no project in Iasi. It supposed to have IK and gROw(not sure, don't remember anyway.)
It is raining. I couldn't get access to the internet; no in fact I could, but I don't want to. Temporarily complete anonymous is actually doing me good, like the time in Bucuresti.
But the greatest stimulus to internet would be to check the weather of Iasi. How come I am so obsessed with the weather everywhere?
Ok back to fb form. I miss Mada.
