Internship day54-international church

I just came back from international church behind lulus mall.

I was so warmed by the people there.

It was because of Edi, the director of Penilla, that I met Ioana, her daughter.

It was because of Ioana, that I went to International Church and met these people the second time.

There were a lot of Africans, maybe from all around the world but i suppose most of them are from Nigeria, that study medicine in Iasi.

There were some people from States, David and his family, the woman with beautiful voice and some others.

There were some gypsy kids. They were so nice. They were big kids, and I saw joy on their faces, not only because of the meal that they can have but also because of the people there were doing them really nice and all. They hugged each other and I hugged them, too, just like last week.

It was a small house, or a big room so to say. The light was yellow and weak.

We chatted with each other about our stories and had a wonderful meal.

People have the birthday cake of the people that is gonna have their age up in september.

I was one of them. All these people, smiling, singing to us. I was so joyful, so glad that I came again. (Thanks for the reasons that make me stay.)

It was a community, a family.

I always think of Christmas when the family concept comes to my mind.

We sang some songs and listened to David telling us the story of Christian.

Honestly, I don't really really have the image of the story, for I don't read it well in my freshman year.

Then we hugged people, saying peace of christ.

And sang again.

I didn't know these songs before, but I could sing on the rhythm and the lyric very easily.

Maybe it's because of the God.

David said that he's gonna tell his friend in Taiwan to contact me to this kind of community church.

That was so so so nice.

The concept of religion keeps changing along my internship.

I am never a religious person.

When in Taiwan, I didn't like people like Stuward so much. I thought them crazy, maybe.

I thought them weird, and so the thing they believe was weird, too.

I had prejudice.

I am a Christian, but i don't know what i belong to.

I don;t know what does it mean to me.

Is it only a reliance or a support that I can count on when I am in need?

Is it a thing that get me more to the dream I am pursuing for, in a word, europe or states?

Or actually I never thought about that.

I think I am a christian, for the fact that I never know what does it mean by a christian.

I prayed for good grades when I was only twelve. I prayed in front of a Santa Claus candle and a bell.

That was so innocent, and true.

Then I stopped.

I guess sometimes I just love the shape of cross that went back again to have cross with me.

It was the senior high entrance exam.

I remembered I showed it to Christina.

Yes, I never thought what did it mean to me.

It was just something to rely on, something when I was in crisis or I wished for sth, I would turn to.

That is really ok, at least so far.

I have the freedom to believe anything in anyway.

I don;t care if god save me or not; i don;t care if god let me into his world or not.(Maybe that in a way denies myself being a christian?)

I am not baptized. Perhaps after I go to Eric, I will wan to, and I will consider him as sth powerful and just in the rest of my life.

I told my theory to Marius. He is a ourstander, sort of like a neo-protestant, like Dani.

He said i am a fake christian. I only turn to him when i need him.

He gave me a word, but I really forgot. I should remember someday.

Ok, so now, I in a sense hope that people think me as a christian, officially.

What if I go back in Taiwan, a place that believe nothing but people's own power?

Marius said that he regarded it really ridiculous that people, especially in thins part of romania, seriously consider god as the only savior of their miserable life.

People sin, and come to god, or the server of god.

Get the forgiveness of god, and then sin again.

What's that all about?

I am always amazed by the power of a church, no matter it is Catholic or Orthodox or whatever.

They are all the time so beautiful and saintful.

And I get in, look at those people regarding themselves sinner, kissing at the pictures of christ and his mother.

Or each time we come by a church, there are always people doing the crossing posture.

I heard this in Before Sunrise,

"even though I reject most of these religious thing

i cant help but feeling for those people that come here

lost or in pain, guilt

looking for some kind of answers

it fascinates me how a single place can join so much pain and happiness

of so many generations."

Ok, I kind of have the same opinion for that.

Really I don;t believe all these saving things, for the fact that i really don't care what or where I will be after my death, as long as I have no feeling for that.

Even when i have a crash on my plane and I stand in front of the gate of heaven, he ask me why should I let you in.

I really have no answer for that; and I don;t care he let me in or not, anyway.

So, am I a christian?

I doubt that, but I want to be one.

People can believe in anything in any way, that is one of my beliefs.

He is not gonna be in town on wed and thur. What the hell.

Maybe I should go on wed to cluj? Or don;t go anyway, just for bucuresti?

What the fuck. I really have no clue for that.

But you don;t care anyway, do you?

Ioana said that I was not certain at anything. That's a way to see things, isn't it?

I start to like this girl.

internship day54-conflict

It is Sunday morning.

I am sitting in the balcony having the cold sun pouring on me.

Watching the one hundred and one Paris je t'aime is actually great to me.

Its a seriously sucked movie.

I watched Before Sunrise also.

No that's not the thing I wanna talk about.

I actually don't know what I want to say.

Just the idea that I went out of the room and saw the city like this.

I thought of vivian, how was she.

She used to love Sunday morning. When most people are still sleeping, the city is awake.

I told whosoever that I hat the weather here.

I don;t know what am I talking about. I am insane about the weather here, especially these days.

I can see four seasons. Now in the sun, it's warm, while without sun and only wind, it is cold.

When people travel, comparison happens and memory of the past comes to you without warning.

I looked at the Trei Ierarhi, thinking ok, now i know that is that, i never know that is that.

I was just amazed by the things around me and I never tried to figure out what is what.

That is actually nice, isn;t it?

You can invent the best and the worst of a thing, or a person.

There's no person telling me what's the bad about you and what you've done before.

I like that.

Or it's not Trei Ierarhi?(I am sure I spell it wrong.)

No, seriously, why people think conflict is so bad?

There would be good things coming out of it, don't they?

It's too cold, I am going inside.

(The subtitle of the movie just went 你想傷心到死嗎？ what a bad translation.)

Internship day54-和媽母講話

永遠是最最安心的事情.

我會忘記自己有多愚蠢, 如果到頭來, 我還是離開了,

這些日子都是白費.

不, 你會說這些日子是美好回憶,

你總是說些好像讀了很多書看了很多電影與人的話.

一早起來和媽咪講話, 是還迷迷濛濛的,

是最原始的起動.

然後發現講中文是多麼自然的事情. 我有多麼喜愛自己的語言.

因為他是我唯一能自由運用與其音調的語言.

我能表現我的態度的情緒.

當我思考, 當我在人群中獨自一人,

腦中與心中總是以英文來詮釋自己,

現在想來, 也許是因為是自己看自己, 因為覺得自己在表演給自己看.

媽咪問我夢裡的語言,

他們總是無聲的. 突然想問, 啞巴與聾人的夢, 也許是有聲音的嗎？

又, 盲人的夢是彩色的嗎？

應該要來算錢, 要來計畫一些事情.

要來打掃, 不然Mihai會恨我,

要來買行李箱, 要來打包要來把東西吃完.

我都知道的噢, 卻都做不到噢.

如果我可以同你說中文, 我還會是如此的無知嗎？

internship day53-close

There's two meanings to the word.

If it's a verbe, it refers to the closure of the mind or a door.

or it can be an adjectif, saying about a relationship between family, friends, or lovers.

I wake up late today.

My whole world was rotating by the anonymous light and air.

I love this place so much.

Now the thing is that I am an anonymous also. I have no position and no identity here.

The job(no it meant a lot to me than simply a job.)was ended. The people are gone.

I live here now.

Yesterday I thought of the things that could have happen again and again.

Like deja. The same dream broadcasts twice a day.

I watched the same movie endlessly. The same lines waving by my ear.

And I never fed up with all these.

There is a waiting list in front of me, though i really don't give a shit what others think.

My internship is officially finished.

I saw Ginger, Cira, and Rosalind are on the faci list.

I envy that. I want that so much. But I lost the chance cuz I was in Oradea.

Well, there are good part and bad part of the life at the same time.

I learned to be a trainer, a faci in that conference. But I gave out the chance of being a faci for that conference.

And vice versa.

internship day52-breaking and meeting

These days I made some new friends on the street.

These years I was always alone in a foreign country.

Often when that happens, I am more welcoming to new and dangerous things; I am more adventurous than in Taipei.

It's all about mindset. I would never met these people again. I would never come across these buildings and streets again.

Let's try. Let's do it.

Though, simply for that I knew I would never met these people again, it's ok to lose myself out of my first character.

I went out with Iaona to the international church, met people with different colors.

After that I went to her place to watch movies and again we went out to see the city from high.

I exchanged contact with a girl met in the bus.

Andreea saved me from the asshole ticket checker. She was so nice.

I exchanged contact with a young priest in a Catholic church.

We had a coffee and he drove me to Ioana's place.

This afternoon after I walked the long way to Nicolina, I stood in the priest's office, watching the cars go by behind the curtain.

I thought of how things could happen AGAIN.

We came by that church when we went to the monastery with Ade.

That afternoon I stood right out of that church, told Ade that we had this shape of church in an university in the middle part of Taiwan.

And I thought,"shit, i should go inside."

I talked with a taxi driver about religion, family, and cultural background.

Things come to me when I am so unprepared.

I think of Otilia and my kids all day.

I miss them so much.

It suddenly came to me that I didn't say goodbye to Otilia, Diana, and Mada.

I didn't know.

I decide to reflect on the time in penilla, for I rejected the sharing with managers.

I decide to write 10reasons you should choose penilla, for i had so great a time there.

I decide to make friend with Mihai, for I don't want to remain stranger with the people I live with.

I decide to go to see more things in Iasi, for I am VISITing this city and I should make it an excuse that i am I LIVing in the city.

I almost decide to leave on Monday, for I thought of him for thirty-six hours.

And he texted me.

It's not fair.

internship day51-struggle

I don't know what am i doing.

I must be crazy.

I should do sth, plan sth, buy st, go somewhere, and leave.

But my life stops at that day when sb came inside the room.

Everything stops me to go, to leave.

I haven't finished my cereal.

I haven't said goodbye to everyone.

I haven't seen through Iasi.

I haven't bought the luggage.

I haven't packed anything.

I haven't planned the trip, checked the internet, seen the time table of the train.

Everything stops.

I must be crazy.

Every day I look at the sunrise and sunset in my balcony.

The weather is getting colder, which is one of the reasons makes me stay.

I care nothing more, cuz I live here.

When you really live in a place, you wouldn't pay attention to the things around you.

You take everything naturally.

I learn every day.

People matter.

I must be out of my mind, even though you said mind and heart are working together.

internship day48-sour

I am waiting for him to go out.

and he is waiting for me.

I should do sth now.

let's copy my diary.

no. uploaded the photo first.

done.

wanna see him now.

come back from Dublin pub.

i shouldn't have done that.

a lot of things i regretted and thought of what to say later on.

it's actually better.

i am leaving on thur. it's better that way.

so I won't cry.

i like him?

really?