internship day51-struggle

I don't know what am i doing.

I must be crazy.

I should do sth, plan sth, buy st, go somewhere, and leave.

But my life stops at that day when sb came inside the room.

Everything stops me to go, to leave.

I haven't finished my cereal.

I haven't said goodbye to everyone.

I haven't seen through Iasi.

I haven't bought the luggage.

I haven't packed anything.

I haven't planned the trip, checked the internet, seen the time table of the train.

Everything stops.

I must be crazy.

Every day I look at the sunrise and sunset in my balcony.

The weather is getting colder, which is one of the reasons makes me stay.

I care nothing more, cuz I live here.

When you really live in a place, you wouldn't pay attention to the things around you.

You take everything naturally.

I learn every day.

People matter.

I must be out of my mind, even though you said mind and heart are working together.

internship day48-sour

I am waiting for him to go out.

and he is waiting for me.

I should do sth now.

let's copy my diary.

no. uploaded the photo first.

done.

wanna see him now.

come back from Dublin pub.

i shouldn't have done that.

a lot of things i regretted and thought of what to say later on.

it's actually better.

i am leaving on thur. it's better that way.

so I won't cry.

i like him?

really?

internship day48-am I?

I did that all the time.

In a foreign country and often at the end of my journey.

I am too dare.

I don't know how much I am capable of.

I don't realize the limitation of myself, just like Vi.

Often under these black consciousness, I forgot things.

Maybe because of the alcohol, and maybe because of the people around us, that makes us lose ourself.

But the fact is that, there are too many things to care, and that makes people upset, unhappy, old, and dull.

Grab the life, even thought it has been fooling around for some times.

It's a matter of choice.

He told me so.

I miss Lasvan and his beautiful blue-grey eyes.

I have a kid also named Lasvan now.

He has some problem with the nerve system.

Or some problem I don't know.

Alexandra also. I miss her. Where has she been?

These kids don't play with others.

They don't know things.

And for people don't realize the happiness behind unknown, they take them as pity.

For me, they are the happiest children, they have people to take them care.

They don't take responsibility and they know not pain, hurt, and war.

They know not the inability of human being.

The earth is circling around them. They don't want a lot. They only want to be themselves.

Razvan has a pair of coarse hands. The hands are small, but feel like paper.

He is not as hyperactive as Alexandra. He listens to people's commend.

He answers questions. He asks for things. He's a bit clumsy, like Alex, and he smiles like a wolf.

I love him taking me as a bridge. Every time when he is falling, he grabs me, holding me like a saving life.

But he is a big kid.

Alex is smaller. She cries for a moment and right after she got the things she want, she stops.

She lies on the floor all the time. She jumps up and down all the time.

She doesn't eat with others. She walks round and round when others are being as a group.

She smiles at you like she is really friendly. but in fact she is smiling for nothing, though that smile is so sweet that you cannot help make a funny face at her.

Oh I miss her.

Gotta go.

Am in iulius now. our saving boat.

internship day48-religion

I want to say something about people's belief here.

about people's fear and love for god.

about people's doubt for god.

about myself being in a distance with god.

about yesterday i went to the international church to attend a hearty ceremony.

But not in a mood.

Will return to it later.

I went to Ade's hometown again after sending Janet away.

And that morning after the disco, when i was writing diary, it was cold;

at the same time it was warm.

I once told Ade that I felt family.

For me, family is always a thing that I cannot tell more about it.

For me, family means my mom and my sis.

It is not complete, for some time and still.

But at this place, and often when I am with her, I always feel so at ease, so comforted.

Ade is a crazy girl but not a courageous girl.

I like her for that she is so sensitive and i am always with her.

I like her loving to share, to help, to enjoy the laziness of life.

I like her smiling, dancing, eating, and hugging people.

I like her thinking about me.

Most of all, we are friends, instead of trainees.

For all of these, I so much want to know how project in NTLC is going through.

All the time her voice shouting Teo to wake up at the beach waving around my ear.

Once, oh i remember it was when we walking on the street at night in Oradea.

We were heading for the pub.

I missed her so much. I was not sleepy at all.

I just missed her.

I love mama, tata, mady, Ionuț's family, and the thing that happening between these people.

It is love and connection.

Here in this country, or at least in Iasi, I found this connection so strong that I almost cannot get away with it.

I realize at this internship, I did the thing I promised myself.

That was to care.

Though most of the time I hate that three thousand kilometers(or nearer?) away there is a war happening, and people die there. We, I cannot do anything about that.

Or we don't give a shit.

Ade:"He should have a haircut."

I will all my life remember her eyes falling on him when she said so.

Internship day34-to maman

Mommy!!!

Ce faci?(How are you?)

子宮好了沒？

有沒有去上班？

林朱朱放榜了嗎？

有沒有好好上法文課？

很多事情想說，香港女孩會說中文，但不流利，所以我已經很久很久沒有講中文了，

在倫敦的時候還有嗎啡跟我說中文，現在都要忘記了。

我想自己非常非常的台灣，非常非常的認命於一切，我爭取想要的，但又不求完美。

公寓沒有洗衣機，一個多月了，牛仔褲非洗不可，常常洗到手很痛腰很酸。

公寓在好的地段，可是沒有電視，網路不持續，是朋友的朋友的公寓，一個月一百二十歐元。（不用擔心，幼稚園都有付錢。）

我想要電視，至少我可以看個電影聽個音樂，這裡的休閒非常非常少，兩點下班（應該是十二點半下班，但我都會陪他們睡覺。），我想去走路去看這個城市，可是好熱好熱，到處都很熱，mall也很熱，公車也很熱，然後到處都沒有冷氣，然常常到處都很臭。

羅馬尼亞人也是一種任命的民族，他們認為喔忍一忍就好了，本來就是這樣的。然後不去求好。

比如說，在Zara，有三台機器可以刷卡，他們用了其中一台，不行，就不試了，就是不行，不知道為什麼，付現金吧。

比如說，在客運（噢我真不喜歡他們的客運，他們是娃娃車我想，比公車小，十六個位子，沒有拉環，一次我沒有位子，車上擠了二十八個人，我前方三個臭中年男人，後方兩個肥胖老女人，三個小時，沒有冷氣。）上，有窗戶可以開，但靠近我們的那個好像是卡住了，羅馬尼亞朋友試了一下想開，開不了，就不試了。沒關係吧，撐一下就到了。

我變得很黑，但並不很在意。

蚊子很多，我的腳快要爛掉，小孩捏我屁股，我很多瘀清。

頭髮一直掉，可能是吃了太多垃圾食物和和太多自來水。沒有拉肚子，吐了一回，因為醉得很厲害。

月經怪怪的。我帶著月經穿著比基尼去海邊。超辣。

好像變胖了因為肚子一直是大的。

一般食物很貴又很不健康（但幼稚園的是天堂），傳統食物很好吃也蠻健康，水果很便宜，好蘋果一個才十塊錢，麵包奶類也很便宜，

衣服也很便宜，計程車也很便宜。公車客運火車很台灣差不多錢，等級很不好，但也沒的選。

他們有很多很愚蠢的行為，

比如說，進游泳池要買票，（喔他們的游泳池是把海邊搬到城市裡，有沙灘和比基尼辣妹曬太陽，沒有水道可言，我大開眼界。）買了票，就在票亭扣要驗票（不到一步），驗票人員拿了我的票，撕成一半，丟進垃圾桶。

我無法理解這是在幹嘛。

喔得走了，要去火車站買票去Oreada.

我的號碼不能打國際電話。

(The guy with stupid costume just punched a little girl with a huge sound. so disgusting.)

（no, i guess it's the filming of wedding pictures. I have to say it's not beautiful at all.）

internship day34-grădiniţă paradisul

I went Janet's kindergarten today.

And I am glad that I have my kids in Penilla.

I miss them extremely today.

I love the way ştefinia seeing me.

I love the way Daria looking for me.

I love the way Edi talking to me.

I love the way Karina wanting me to play bilă.

I love the way Andrei counting English numbers when playing bingo with me.

I love the way Gabi calling me Jessy.

I love the way Alex loving me and avoiding me.

I love the way Tudor crying like hell.

I love the way Filip saying scuze after he drew on my Zara.

And so on and so on and so on.

Thanks to myself spare everything to be involved into them.

They don't have to behave well.

They don't have to follow the stupid adult rules.

They do what they love to do at the age of knowing nothing.

Though, people often say that the more you understand, the more you suffer.

Is that true?

I doubt that. Still at the same time I hope my kids take the medicine of Peter Pan.

They are lovely, for they have love.

My coworkers are lovely, for they know to talk about reasons with children.

I am lovely too, for I play casă with them.

Last Friday, on David's and Sorana's birthday, David(the other one) bit Tudor.

I saw the face when he bit him.

I start to think of the family that he is in.

What kind of family makes that face out of him?

I miss Lasvan. When will he come back?

internship day34-passingby.

My memories pass by.

I've been here for one month.

Am now sitting at the bench of Copou park, with the sunshine and old ladies' laughs.

But the dimension is so condensed that I can not spread it out.

I couldn't believe these. Still at the same time I know I am capable of doing everything.

Like Ana, Adela said that she was not afraid of anything.

Moi aussi. I assure myself that everything is possible, cuz it's all about people/human.

I M POSSIBLE.

We just went back from Constanța.

On the way, Jose, Ade, Teo, and Ana were pushing the seat to each other.

I was sleeping, but my eyes were open. The thing I saw was the most chinese thing I've ever seen on the western people.

And I saw love and friendship.

Couldn't tell you how I consider myself lucky. I am in the IK team.

I struggled with the visa and there were these people who weren't willing to give me up.

(There are a group of people wearing traditional(or ancient I cannot tell) romanian costume filming. How interesting!)

As the train passing through the darkness, past was falling apart.

And there's no way to put it back.

Now the lady with fake curly hair in pick ridiculous pumping dress passing in front of me.

The costume is ancient. And there is a Samsung in her hand.