L'insouciance est le seul sentiment qui puisse inspirer notre vie et ne pas disposer d'arguments pour se défendre.
-- Françoise Sagan

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

ISFiT day14-just give me drugs.

14:26 in Trondheim, Nova conference centre
21:26 in Taipei

People saying goodbye is just so easy.
I still remember when we were in the train station, you hugged me and pushed me onto the train to Bucuresti.  It's the last time that I felt the difficulty of departing away, or waving friends good-bye.
Nothing is easy, neither the promise.  Still the words just came out of my mouth, as if the simplicity within it will cause some reality.
I just don't feel that much.  I love you guys, but the time just too short to let me place you somewhere here in the middle.
Or the excuse could be as simple as my feeling damn unwell.  I wish I could have flew home by now, to see you and mom.  I think I wont attend uni on wed.  It's been a long time that I haven't felt so sick.  oh man.
(A very old couple just come and speak so damn well in english.  What the!)
Crushes, tolerance, friendship, conflicts, knowledge, love, and so much within my heart will stay till some day I pass away.
(Alam just told me he is 26.)
I should have spent a whole fett day with Lorange.  Everything there was just fantastic; I cant imagine a better family here in Norway.  I know the appearance exists but still, I love them all.  I wrote a long letter to them last night.  Now the thoughts have been driven away that I can say no more but appreciations and loves.
We aren't attending the closing ceremony.  We would rather stay together in nova and spend some more time here.  I would rather typing my memory and thoughts out here outside without internet than go inside pretending I am so well and laughing with you.  I just can't.
Marcela's beautiful, moaning, and cleverness; Arcelia's coolness and my implicit affection; Lenka's smile, friendliness, texts, and close; Sunny's hugs, joke, accent, and laughs; Tamar's  beautiful smile, shy voice and dancing waves; Antony's long explicit conversation, hugs, confident speaking, and smile; Marcos's funny, positive, love for kids, brazilian face…. though it's been only nine days and I felt like also being simply nine days, as long as i kept them down, they will stay here.
I still remember I sat on that long desk of schiphol airport writing my affection towards Iasi and Romania.

damn, i just miss everything over there.
i told Loranges about Lund and the futures; and the expectations were set up.  But I  am just so not sure about my future.
I feel I am so lucky.  I am the youngest here in the workshop.  I have actually no expectations before I came to ISFiT.  I set up minds for being brave and open, and I did.  But I really thought of nothing in advance.  Maybe I was just too adjusted to the international stuffs.  It;s just amazing to see how this people can back you up in the other side of the earth, that we could do something together and feel no loneliness from the people physically around us.  Yes I am not alone for doing these.  The frustrations and the sense of achievement are shared.

It's not your fault the world is being like this; it's your fault that the world stays like this.  - Deutschland.  
And I believe that yes we are just living too much in the circle and we don;t see where the resources coming from and where the wastes going away.
Can I just have some more time of myself and learning cooking?  Can I just have a little bit more taste of both life and food?  Can God just don;t let me forget about how I feel at the moment?  Can I just take the concepts with me for good?
For you, please don;t lose yourself; don;t take things for granted; be aware of the things around you.
Those who do not study life and history are bound to be condemned to repeat it.  And i just believe in this so much.  I did not go to school to become anything.  I can do whatever I like as long as I have the belief in me and lots of things.  I can do so many things, though still weak in some way.
Dream, don't forget to dream.


Don't know if there is some more to say; my head is bombing, 
I miss you with all heart.

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