Last few days and a few steps to the future

In these last few days of 2017, all I hope is to be able to go to Montreal with Nico.

All I hope is to pass a great moment with his family and friends.

All I hope for this end of the year is to have peace in my mind, sleep well, eat well, and be the person who I wanna be.

Make the most out of my life.

I know I can make it for the future, and I fear no regret.

重新出發

回三七看語嫣。

有些人，不用聯絡也可以這樣明白彼此生活，有些人，不用很努力就可以和人分享目前生活中最最重要的事。

覺得無比慶幸曾經在三七工作，淡淡的認識這些人，這樣重感情的人。

至少對我來說，是可以義不容辭為你再度搬家的朋友。經經提起，重重地放下。

--

一個半月，花了很多很多時間好好沈澱，沈澱和自己的關係，沈澱和家人的關係，和愛人的關係，和朋友的關係。

準備啟程再出發，明天充滿動力地再出發。

那些翻過的日曆與寫下的日子都無比珍貴、無比深刻，只是當下不斷地會忘記，忘記像寶藏一樣的這些人，在生命中無比重要的地位。那些在一起跳舞的人，一起旅行的人，一起打球看球賽的人，一起喝酒當喝水的朋友，一起為未來惆悵不堪又滿懷抱負的朋友，那些舊舊的朋友用嶄新的面容與姿態走向我面前的模樣。

當然也有，想要忘記的人。

一個半月的時間，學習當家庭主婦，學習重新找到一個人的平衡點，學習怎麼和法國政府對抗，學習怎麼和自己對抗，學習生活，一個半月的時間，學習自己學習，坐著用力動腦袋。

竟然有某些時刻會抗拒待在電腦面前打理思緒，那是幾年前的我萬萬想不到的呀。

一不小心，竟就變成過動兒了。

明天，就要重新再出發了，充了滿滿的電，用那些旅程，用那些時間，那些愛與話語。

這些努力是不是可以一直支撐我下去到明年五月底？這些努力是否可以讓我前往我想要去的地方，這些努力是不是可以在不遠的將來讓我感到心安？

我們一起去加拿大，是一樣那樣遙遠的陳舊的願望呀，

和母親去溫哥華的驚奇與記憶，和千去魁北克多倫多渥太華的爭吵與牽絆，而將來，和愛人一起建築的新生活新夢想。

我做得到嗎？你做得到嗎？

我們有辦法互相拉拔至此嗎？

我多麼願意，我多麼渴望和這個人分享未來。

一起變老一起想像那些未來的更美好的時刻。

--

明天，用力認識很多人，The Art of People

For the last two months of my 2017

1. "What was my most productive month this week?" 

September, when a long vacation is over and new life, new semester and season has begun. It's when I was born and I often feel very energetic this month.

Was it January, when you were all hyped about the new year? What did you do that made you so productive? What was your daily schedule like? What were you spending your time doing? This is where keeping a journal can be extremely helpful. You can always look back to see what your day to day was like.

2. "Who in my life has been the most helpful?"

Nico and my mom. I need the support from them so much.

I don't necessarily mean helpful as in, "Who has done the most for me?" What I mean is, who in your life has been the best influence? Who has been the most understanding, supportive? Who has taught you the most? These are the people you should prioritize spending more time with, moving forward.

3. "Who in my life has been the most distracting?"

Conversely, who in your life has made working toward your goals more difficult? Who gives you every reason not to make progress, not to get done what you need to get done? There will always be people in your life who, in some way, make it more difficult to put your head down and get things done. And I'm not saying to stop being friends with them. Just be aware of how and why things happen, and make decisions accordingly.

4. "When do I get the best work done?"

In the morning in a coffee shop and late night in a coffee shop.

Is it in your apartment in the early morning? Is it at a coffee shop, late afternoon? Is it while you're traveling? When do you get in your flow most frequently, and what can you do to put yourself in more situations like that, more often?

5. "What have you been prioritizing over those personal goals of yours?"

Being with my love, but is being with my love not meaning a personal goal?

Being with my friends.

A lot of people say they want to get healthy and go to the gym more. A lot of people talk about that book they want to write, or that startup idea they want to pursue. And yet, very few do. So the real question is, "What are you prioritizing?" Why are you choosing to do other things, if you keep saying what you really want to do is this thing you never prioritize doing? 

6. "What are your most used excuses?"

I don't want to.

We all have them--our long list of excuses as to why we can't do something. The most popular one is, "I don't have enough time." That's a lie. You have time to take 34 minute showers. You have time to watch your favorite shows. You have time to go out for nice dinners. You have plenty of time. So, take some time then and question what your favorite excuses are--and then ask yourself what you can do to excuse yourself from your tasks at hand, less.

7. "What will bring you the most fulfillment?"

People's recognition, nature.

People love choosing projects that bring them external approval, financial reward, or some other form of "guaranteed success." But what about personal fulfillment? What did you say you were going to do this year, for the sake of just being happy, that somehow got pushed to the wayside? 

For a moment, I feel like i am still away.

The city is empty, it was such a pleasure.

Sitting in a cafe, Monday morning in Paris, in the super center right next to the Tower.
I typed words and read words; I heard French.
For a moment, I looked at them, trying to find a trait of proximity; I feel like and I thought I was still away.

--

For sure I 'd love to share my life as long as it is real.

For 18 days I went out there alone with a bag full of actually too many unnecessities.

Every time I knew what to abandon for a better one.

Each time I knew what to pursue for a even higher one.

Best thing along the journey: having Nico with me.

Worst thing along the journey: having consecutively two nights with crazy disrespectful fellows in the hostel and the same room with me.

Honestly, having no reservation is no that kind of a bad thing.

But then once again, all bad memories make great experiences.

It remains one of the best trips of my life, because of you.

--
The best version of myself.




#dubrovnik #pomena #mljetisland #hvar #split #plitvicenationalpark #plitvicejezero #zagreb #croatia #croatiancoast #ljubljana #slovenia #zipline #yolo #socavalley #mountkanin #bovec #slotrips #sLOVEnia #igslovenia #ifeelslovenia #travel #wanderlust #travelogue #traveljunkie #ziplineslovenia #travelphotos #travelporn #travelgram #photography #clouds #cloudporn #adrenaline #budapest #hungary #synagogue #DohányStreetSynagogue #Spíler #poland #wroclaw #krakow #cracow #aschwitz #birkenau #schindlerfactory #latenightcall

Dreams of my last days

1. Ride on a scooter with someone I like, or perhaps love.
2. Go to those places marked green.
3. Swing
4. Have for once, those beloved friends being not just beloved friends.
5. Make it longer and longer
6. See Paris 2018, my baby


I have on those socials so many friends from Norway, Sweden, HK, Romania, people I liked once and not connected any more. I hope so much that from this day on, I have them with me.
Please.
Can this be the reason that I refuse to go to China?

C'est Dimanche

On vote pour demain.

--

我唯一學到的是因為每天聽進這些很美麗的字眼，因為選舉需要很美麗的字眼，

好像法文進步了一點點。

Love my job

I had a wonderful mid-term evaluation with my boss.

I realise that I am so much not the one that does not care of positive or negative feedbacks but the one that merely wants to progress and be recognised.
I thought of that march.
Been through the manager I work with the most and the director that actually knows everything. I did not know something and now I do. I start to wonder why they all notice this.

I am so glad that I am perceived as someone strong.
I am so glad I got rid of that dumb ass and been able to progress.
I am so glad that I am gonna take new projects now.

L'Oréal is so much not about lipstick but badass.

All Worth It

Run Forrest run for Semi Paris

Rituel de lendemain de course, s'inscrire à une autre course.

Can't believe once a hater of running now loves it so much.
Can't believe an asthmatic becoming someone loves running.

I thought of Dad and his running routine before our dinner or lunch at grandma's.
Can it be something that he influenced me secretly?

I thought of my days in Lund around Karin's, Torino around Francesca's, in HSNU, NTU, forest park, memorial hall, Xinyi road, Ren ai road, xyz road...
I thought of him, thought of her, thought of mom and the old days.

I did not stop, not a minute and even when I reached the end, which I actually did not realise until I reached it, I knew I can go further, tho my tiny toe hurt.
It might be the rain and the coldness that made it easier cuz I felt nothing, nothing but my music, the crowd next to me and the people cheering.
It was actually the cold that I could not stand for another minute.

I understand now why she loves it.
I've been wanting to do this for so long, and I made it.

And I was in the Lindy class tonight despite of everything.

I kinda understand now.

Rituel de lendemain de course, s'inscrire à une autre course.

Si l'année prochaine je serai encore à Paris.

時間

「現在是下午五點，太陽還高掛著呢。」

在冬天，這樣的句型在我的生命裡只有台灣台北才得以發生。
萬萬萬萬想回台北，開始了呀那種循環，想回家的渴望、想望。
那種夜晚要很晚才會開始的熱情與活力。
那種夜生活比白天生活更加耀眼的力量。

怎麼這樣累呢？每天都好累呢？

想要森林深山或海灘。

如果最後不能再繼續了，我們去澳洲吧。

autobio

C'est un bonheur de pourvoir bien expliquer quelques choses à quelqu'un sans être juger ou avoir craindre d'être juger.

C'est un bonheur de pouvoir le voir, en plein minuit, et l'entendre dire bonne nuit.

C'est un bonheur de réaliser que, après des années, c'est le moment d'arrêter.

一雙眼睛

時間仁慈又過分地施予了我們一個小時。
我於是想起來那時候的我是多麼地文學取向。

室友出遠門三個禮拜（共和國古巴杜拜，有什麼比他的工作更好的嗎），週末總是有Airbnb的旅人來。我希望我的不熱忱與隨意讓他們感到自在。
我希望可以再去旅遊，波蘭。
可是不知道為什麼，好像找不到可以休假的時候。明明有很多就可以休的。

工作繁忙，公司是半工作後最良善的工作環境。與同事相處甚佳，與老闆相處甚佳，願景與期待相同的時候，做什麼都起勁。
並第一次完成了和設計師溝通的月報。成就感與每天感受自我不足仍然。
此時候好希望有人給我建議，如果她還在呢。

兩天運動一次，最珍惜星期一可以跳舞週末可以攀岩。一直期待可以在岩場遇見他。
吃好睡好，酗酒成癮。唯一開伙的時候是週末早晨（中午plutôt）煮咖啡。
週末逛大街去朋友家，看喜歡的展，念喜歡的書，吃brunch（偶爾踩到地雷就很嘔）。
見了好久不見的前同事。

最近讀一本在谷歌工作的人力資源的書。
最近喜歡聽催眠的音樂，電子樂被擺到另一邊。

昨天去了一場萬聖節的日本朋友的open house party for lesbian。
和陌生人總是可以如此輕易的暢談，理髮師、北京念書的法國女孩、美國的她和日本的她。
我想起那位作家，想起前女友。
她們問我喜歡怎麼樣的女孩，因為太久沒有戀愛的緣故，我再度開始揣側自己是異性戀，
並且對男性傾心。甚至無法描述理想的女性。
甚至在L'Oréal這樣充滿男同性戀與女異性戀的場合中，我們談論無數次同性戀的話題我始終沒有說出自己喜歡女生。害怕背叛自己。

在一段不健康的關係裡我逃不出來。
在一段因為不健康的關係裡開始的關係我逃出來了但活不下來。

這些年無法再愛上誰，到底是為什麼？

雇主品牌

還待在廣告公司的時候，同事總覺得我不像他們認識的亞洲人，一我覺得他們認識的亞洲人不夠（因為亞洲人有太多太多而身為法國人他們最喜歡做的事就是下判斷），二我也一邊自以為獨樹一幟。
後來輾輾轉轉進來了巴黎萊雅總部，覺得很奇怪，從來沒想過要進巴黎萊雅但進來了卻一再一再每天都驚喜，本來最最害怕是的不斷評斷行銷人與身穿無法扭來扭去的廉價上班服裝假裝時尚。在台灣，巴黎黎雅就是一個開架的商品，平價甚至低廉（以我從前知道的牌子和品質來說），並且我總是擔憂那些化學製劑，殊不知沒有任何東西不是化學製劑。後來除了福華之外一點感覺都沒有（現在想起來浮華這兩個字更覺得可笑了），在屈臣氏裡就是跳過跳過跳過。
自從遞出申請後，從搜尋的結果，每天都覺得萊雅是一個好公司，裡面的員工（當然是看部門）每天每天都在個人與團隊裡成長；於是我開始覺得，萊雅的產品行銷是否不夠徹底完善，而公司雇主品牌更勝產品品牌。畢竟，有多少熱愛植村秀或碧兒泉或vichy或body shop的平凡你我不知道他們都是萊雅的品牌。
我什麼都不知道。

現在每天都想著怎麼做可以為公司做得更好，但也同時保有完完整整的生活品質。
噯，就像被洗腦了呀。
（但我還是沒有特別想要去vente personnel，儘管同事爭相訴說的時候我也是好像很激動）
更奇怪的是，我明明白白的感知這一切正在發生。
--
反人類哲學家在巴黎萊雅

Keep me continuously infatuated.

https://hbr.org/2016/08/keeping-customers-continuously-infatuated

It's certainly almost the end of everything.
And for the next stage, the curtain is yet uncovered.

We can almost see through, though with a certain amount of pixel and mist.

I try to pick up memories that fall apart here and there.
And I find myself humiliated with lost and found.

This is one of the kind; the kind that makes me who I'd like to be and become.
In every story there is always a beginning, a climax, and an end.
Although it might not be the case for this one, I may not be that depressed.
Not every episode can turn out into a story.

The forseen future is set, as in every end of the stage.
And I look forward to the next ones so so much.

So

now you cannot be christian, jew, gay, and even handicapped.

what's next?

La liste des envies.

I need this to happen;
I need a change.

When I want it to happen, it will happen.

can't stop smiling in the office facing my excel file
damn!

Turn down alternance from AXA, check
Turn down alternance from Amundi, check

Turn down alternance from Orange, check

Care

The oral defense finally passed.

I passed it with an excellent mark and when he asked me what did i plan to do with this, i was hesitant.

i am really not sure; certainly with such a book and my effort during the past seven months, i should do something with it.

i want to work in the similar domain.

the question is how?

--

i really cannot get away with all these; i panick.

especially when that attitude appears again, as a nightmare passing consistently.

i should have...

--

where will i be in September?

where will i celebrate my birthday?